Restructuring

So it's been about a month and a half now since Erin began working full time in the ADD Management Group. Things have been going well, and it's actually been easier than expected for us to work together. This is partly because we keep different hours. Erin gets up earlier than I do and takes advantage of her morning-person-ness. I start and end my day a little later.

One unexpected problem we've experienced, however, is that Erin has been taking care of me a little too much.

See, I've been working all by myself in a home office for over 4 years. I have systems. And Erin, even thought she means well, has been dismantling them. Here are some examples:

• She's been getting up, taking the dogs out, and feeding them. But hungry dogs who have to pee really bad used to ensure that I got up at a reasonable time.
• Once she takes care of the dogs, she closes the bedroom door so they can't come in and bug me. But cuddly dogs on the bed also have a way of waking me up in a happy and peaceful way.
• She moved my alarm closer to me so I don't have to get up to press the snooze button. But getting up to press the snooze button is one of my strategies for waking up and getting out of bed.
• Believe me, there are more examples I could list!

Erin means well, and of course she didn't realize that she was screwing me up. In fact, I didn't even realize it until I seriously overslept one day.

Sometimes a non-ADD partner will try to make life easier for their ADD partner by imposing their own systems. The person always means well, but doesn't understand: ADDers do things differently. We have our own systems and structure that might not make sense to anyone else. If it work, who cares?

So Erin and I had a talk about it this week, and Erin is going to leave my systems in tact and do her own thing in the morning.

It's lovely when your partner cares enough about you to try and make your life easier. But if good intentions interfere with your ADD management systems, then don't be afraid to reject them.

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Comments

[Kate Harding]

Oh, man, this hits home. I realized a long time ago that leaving things until the last minute works for me; the pressure of a looming deadline helps me focus on the task in question. Al (the bf) does not understand why I can't do things ahead of time. If something takes me 10 minutes to at the eleventh hour, why can't I just take 10 minutes and get it done a few days earlier? Well, because a few days earlier, it wouldn't take me 10 minutes; it would take me 3 hours. He definitely doesn't get that.

And I could go on and on, of course. :)