Experiencing ADDvantages

ADD and Personal Organizers

Posted by Sharon Howell, ADD Management Group Coach

Last week I attended a workshop given by three personal organizers.  One of the speakers was supposed to be talking about personal organizing and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)/ADD and I wanted to hear what she had to say.

What she did was show two pictures of TV characters and asked the audience which one we thought was OCD and which one we thought was ADD.  She then asked for adjectives to describe each.  The first adjective used to describe the ADD actor was “slob.”  It was up there on her board in big letters along with a variety of other adjectives.  I could not believe that she made no mention of the fact that it was a rather harsh and often untrue way to describe someone with attention deficit. 

That was pretty much all there was to her program: descriptive words for OCD and ADD without any discussion of the significance of the adjectives or how someone who is OCD or ADD could be helped by using a personal organizer.  I was very disappointed.

Organization is a big issue for those of us with ADD and I know that there are some personal organizers out there who understand ADD and are able to work with it. This woman was not one of them. If you are looking for a personal organizer to help you, it is very important that you check their credentials and knowledge of ADD before hiring them to help you.  Just because they claim to be able to work with attention deficit does not mean they can.

Have you ever worked with a personal organizer? What was your experience like?

 

What WON'T You Do To Get The Job Done?

I am a member of a business Mastermind Group. We're a small group of coaches and business people who meet weekly to check in with each other, ask questions, and set the goals we'd like to be held accountable for.

In last week's meeting, I complained that I was once again setting the same goal for myself that I had set the week before. Despite wanting to complete that goal very badly, I just couldn't find the time to get it done.

That's when fellow Masterminder Doug Emerson, aka The Profitable Horseman, asked one of the best coaching questions I've ever heard:

In order to reach your goal this week, what WON'T you do?

He knows me well...and I think he's gotten to know ADD well, too!

Asking me that one little question forced me to articulate exactly what was getting in the way of my progress. It will come as no surprise that I was allowing myself to follow distractions that were new and more interesting than my original goal.

Simply articulating this problem forced me to be aware of it, which allowed me to consciously avoid the distraction. This proved to be an excellent tool for achieving my short-term goal.

So let's take this out of the business context and move it into the general scope of ADD management. Let's use a common example of a short-term goal that adults with ADD frequently get tripped up on: financial management. (Substitute organization or running errands or any other goals that you have trouble meeting.)

Let's say you set a goal for yourself this weekend to manage your finances and balance your accounts. When you set out to do this, what usually gets in the way? These are the things you can commit to NOT doing when you set out to achieve your goal this weekend.

A great example of what might get in your way (not matter what your goal) is getting caught up in your computer or getting sucked into television. So before beginning to get to work this weekend, you can commit to NOT watching TV or turning on the computer until you've met your goal.

By making this commitment, you make yourself aware of potential pitfalls and plan to deal with them before they become problems. Deciding what NOT to do is an excellent way to avoid the typical distraction that keep you from getting the job done.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about this topic! What short term goals do you usually get tripped up on? What will you NOT do in order to achieve your goal? Please share your thoughts!

Emotional Sensitivity: Heath Ledger's Death

In response to recent post Mama Drama, Donna wrote:

I have really felt a tremendous sadness over Heath's death. It reminds me of your post about the Lifetime movies. I think it's because some of the things I've read about him reminded me of how I have felt in the past.

I also felt sad about Heath Ledger's passing. Whether his death was intentional or accidental, it's always sad to see someone die before their time...especially when that person has a young child.

As highly sensitive ADDers, we have to remember that while it's okay to feel sad about such things, it's not healthy to get caught up in them.

The media focus on this story last week was over the top. You couldn't escape the coverage without turning off the TV...and that's exactly what many of us had to do. When you're sensitive to emotional stimulus, it's sometimes better to filter it out altogether.

As Donna said, sometimes the sadness is sparked by a sense of empathy that reminds us of our own struggles. This might indicate that there are some past issues that still need to be worked through.
Talking or journaling about your feelings can be really helpful. Psychotherapy is also a good option if the feelings persist.

Did YOU find yourself feeling a little too sad or weepy over Heath Ledger's death? How did you handle it?

BostonNOW Article: Finding a Treatment

By Amy Tennery, BostonNOW Correspondent

Insomnia, headaches, diarrhea, blurred vision are all side effects of common Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) medications, like Ritalin, and they are enough to dissuade many from pursuing drugs as a solution to their learning differences.

But with the increasing popularity of non-medical adult ADD treatment, alternatives to behavior-altering drugs have become accessible to the public.

"We have a saying in the industry: the pills don't build the skills," says Jennifer Koretsky, author of Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD. "Those pills aren't going to teach you to become organized or manage your time."

Today, more options for adult ADD management are becoming available at a rapid pace, perhaps because this learning difference has become more apparent in recent years.

"I think that it's just now coming to light that there is such a thing as adult ADD. People who are adults now might have been told they would grow out of it, but they're not growing out of it," says Gail Parrott, lead program specialist with the Dore Center's Needham facility.

Koretsky says adults with ADD should be "using [their] own natural tendencies and making them work," rather than fighting their ADD. Traditional means of organization, for example, are not accessible to the adult ADD mind, says Koretsky. She helps her clients learn new organizational skills rather than try to conform to those that they find challenging to maintain.

Parrott also approaches adult ADD management with a non-medical approach. Her physical-based exercise program is designed to target the cerebellum and help clients manage their ADD symptoms.

A typical exercise involves "standing on one foot, on a cushion," which promotes balance and body awareness, says Parrott. "At the same time you might be asked to toss a bean bag from hand to hand. With practice and repetition you are actually training the cerebellum."

Although vast amounts of research to support the efficacy of many ADD medications exist, Parrott argues that pairing a physical-based therapy with medication is essential.

"Ritalin and Adderall are only effective as long as they are in your bloodstream," says Parrott, which is a "permanent, effective solution."

Mama Drama

In my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD, I spend some time discussing the anxiety that often goes along with adult ADD. Specifically, I talk about life with an an extremely anxious mother, and how I had to learn to get over my own resulting anxiety.

Even though my mother has done a great job of reeling in her anxiety in the past couple of years, it still creeps up in strange--and often hilarious--ways. Here's a fabulous example.

Earlier in the week, my mom was involved in a car accident. She was hit by someone who clearly wasn't paying attention and her airbag deployed, leaving her with some very bad bruising and a lot of pain. Luckily, she didn't have any other injuries.

When she left the emergency room, the doctor gave her a prescription for Oxycontin. Here's where the real drama begins.

My mother is afraid of becoming addicted to the pain pills. This is the same woman who never drinks a sip of alcohol, has no idea what pot even smells like, and wouldn't recognize an illegal drug if she tripped over one. 

I've tried to explain to her that the people who abuse or become addicted to pain pills 1) have very serious emotional problems that lead to addiction and 2) have a dealer or a doctor who is willing to supply the prescription drug well beyond the point of pain. She doesn't care. She still believes that a two week supply of pills could lead to an addiction. And it gets better...

...in my mother's mind, addiction can lead to an accidental overdose. "I don't want to end up like that Heather Ledger," she told us. I kid you not. And no, she actually wasn't on pain pills when she referred to poor Heath Ledger as "Heather."

If You Love Someone With ADD, Set Them Free

Here at the ADD Management Group, we get a lot of calls and emails that start out like this:

Hello, my name is John Doe. I have a son/daughter (usually a son) in college who needs help and I'd like him to work with Jennifer.

Or...

Hello, my name is Jane Doe, and my husband needs some ADD coaching. I'm calling to get some information for him, because I know he'll never do it.

With just one or two sentences, we already know that this is not a coaching relationship that will work. Here's why: The individual has not decided that they want coaching--someone else has.

Coaching doesn't work if the person being coached doesn't want it. Going along with what a parent or spouse wants just doesn't cut it.

Coaching is a partnership between the coach and client and, ultimately, it's the client who takes action and does the work. The coach can help elicit the ideas and actions, but make no mistake about it, it is the client who produces the results.

We actually have rules about who we will and won't coach at AMG:

1. If a person contacts us about private coaching for their partner, we tell them to have their partner call us. If the potential client can't do that, then they're not ready for coaching.
2. If a college student calls us about private coaching, great. It doesn't matter who pays (student or their parent) as long as the potential client initiates the process. If mom or dad has questions before shelling out the cash, that's perfectly understandable. But if mom or dad wants to force the student into it or control the process, then it's a no-go.

If you're the parent or partner of a struggling ADDer and you think they would benefit from coaching, talk to them about it. Show them this blog or tell them about our newsletter and free resources.

Whatever you do, don't push your ADDer--no matter how good your intentions are. Otherwise you'll just end up wasting your money, and possibly even damaging your relationship with the ADDer you love.

 

How Did You Sleep Last Night?

I woke up feeling pretty good today! I was rested and relaxed, and had a productive day. However, today is the first day this week that I've woken up feeling good!

For days I was tossing and turning and waking up during the night, unable to fall asleep again. As a result, I spent several days this week feeling tired, groggy, and crabby. Not to mention lazy...

How did YOU sleep last night?

Adults with ADD often underestimate the importance of sleep. In actuality, getting proper sleep each night is essential to managing adult ADD.

Imagine you are a car, and the amount of sleep you get at night is the amount of gas that gets put in your tank. (Yes, I'm quite fond of this gas tank metaphor! I'm sure many of you have heard me use this metaphor in other contexts, namely my book, and that's because I get a lot of feedback about how it really makes things click for many of you.) Now back to our exercise...

If you go to bed and get proper rest through solid sleep, your gas tank gets filled. And as anyone who owns a car knows, cars always drive better on a full tank. I can't tell you why, but it's something we all know to be true.

If, on the other hand, you go to bed and don't sleep well or don't get enough sleep, then you start your day on half a tank. You're still able to drive, but you don't perform as well, and you hit empty a lot sooner in the day than you'd like to.

Think about it. When you haven't gotten a good night's sleep,

• Don't you find yourself running late throughout the day?
• Isn't it really difficult to pay attention at work?
• Doesn't it seem like more of a chore to eat healthy, exercise, and take care of yourself?
• Isn't it harder to motivate yourself to do those household chores, like dishes and laundry?
• Don't you find yourself snapping at people who might not deserve it?

Okay, Jen! You say. You've Made Your Case on Sleep. Now What?

If you frequently have trouble getting a good night's sleep, here are a few tips specifically geared towards adults with ADD:

1. Allow yourself adequate time to wind down before bed. Don't wake up your brain with something stimulating. This means turning off that computer(!), avoiding emotional conversations, and maybe even shutting off the TV.
2. Create a comfortable sleeping environment for yourself. This might include adjusting the temperature in your bedroom, switching to ultra-soft sheets, or investing in light-blocking curtains. Adults with ADD tend to be extremely sensitive, and it's amazing how much little things can make a difference when it comes to your sleeping environment.
3. If all else fails, see your doctor. There are medical options that you can explore with your doctor, such as taking medication or vitamin/herbal supplements, and testing for sleep disorders.

Here's to a good sleep tonight--for me and for you!

How do you deal with sleep problems? What challenges do you notice that result from not getting enough sleep? Please share your thoughts!

Tough Love for Adults with ADD

Last week Erin was away visiting family. That left me alone, to fend for myself and the dogs, for 5 days. Although I often travel on business without Erin, this is the longest that Erin has been away in our 6 years together.

At first I felt sorry for myself. Being alone for 5 days meant 5 days of doing all the dog walking, all the dog feeding, all the cooking, all the cleaning up, all the garbage-taking-out, all the housework (oh who am I kidding with that one?), all the laundry, all the errands, and all the shopping. I was responsible for everything. There was so "scaffolding" to provide my structure.

But by the second day, something strange happened. I told myself, You were single for YEARS before you settled down. You did it all and more then...so why are you feeling sorry for yourself now? After that dose of reality, I found myself doing really well on my own.

I was waking up on time every day because there was no one else to take the dogs out in the morning. And then I found myself going to bed at a decent hour because I knew the dogs would wake me up to be fed...so if I stayed up late I wouldn't get a lot of sleep.

I also found myself procrastinating less, because there was no one else to clean up the kitchen, so I might as well do it! Now, don't get my wrong, I've never been one to do a bang up cleaning job, but the dishes got done.

I was getting up, doing what I needed to, easing into the day, working reasonable hours, tending to the house, practicing my singing, running errands and making social trips, and then going to bed. My life was structured.

By day 4, I really missed Erin. I was anxious for her to come home to me. But once she did, my structure fell apart again.

You see, I will fully admit that I can be one hell of a manipulator. I'm good at guilt trips, too. These are skills that have been passed down to me from generations and generations of Irish mothers. Seriously, I could win gold medals for my guilt trips--provided I wasn't competing against my mother. And Erin, being innocent and sweet, is so damn susceptible to my manipulation and guilt trips that she often ends up doing more than her fair share around here.

So when Erin returned home, she once again began taking on lots of the responsibility...and I began manipulating her again. See, I know exactly what to say, exactly what to do, or exactly what face to put on to make her want to walk the dogs for me, or go shopping for me, or whatever. And she never even complains.

But when Erin was away I realized that I don't actually benefit from skirting my responsibilities. I use my ADD as an excuse to be lazy, but I actually function much better when left on my own.

So Erin and I had a talk last night, and I gave her permission to ignore me. I told her to ignore me when:

• I don't want to get up in the morning. If I sleep too late on a Saturday and lose my free time, that's my problem, not hers.
• I say I don't feel good or I'm too tired to walk the dogs. Tough. If she wasn't here, I'd have to walk them whether I was tired or sick with the flu!
• I don't feel like cooking. Sucks for me, but it's my responsibility. I don't have to make a gourmet dinner, but it's still my job to put together a healthy meal.
• I ask her to get things for me. If she's going downstairs to grab a drink and I ask her to bring me up one, too, that's fine. But if I ask her to go downstairs and get me a drink simply because I don't feel like getting up, then she should just tell me to fuck off.
• I don't do what I say I want to. Erin's response to this is best described as "nagging." And nothing makes me want to sit around and zone out more than being nagged. If I don't do what I say I want to, it's my problem.

And you know what, I feel ten times better.

People with ADD often struggle with creating structure, and parents and partners sometimes want rush in (with the best of intentions) to create it for us. But maybe what we really need as adults is tough love.

Thoughts?

Dr. Phil Dismisses ADD

Posted by Sharon Howell, ADD Management Group Coach

I know that most people either love or hate Dr. Phil. I like him very much, except for the fact that he apparently feels that ADD either does not exist or it is no big deal.

I was watching his show last week about a woman who could not stop talking and wanted help. As they showed the clips of her talking to people without taking a breath, she acknowledged that she often had conversations that got so much off track that she would forget the original point. Sitting on the stage she seemed ready to burst, while obviously trying very hard not to ramble. I, as a coach, certainly wondered if she has some level of ADD.

Well, as the conversation continued she stated that she did have ADD and Dr. Phil told her that he did not believe that she did! He completely dismissed that she might benefit by looking into her ADD issues to see if she could find any help for her motor mouth.

I am really concerned when someone with his reputation, but obviously little knowledge of ADD, dismisses it on TV.

I would like to write a letter to Dr. Phil about ADD and his attitude, but I have yet to come up with the words that could actually make him stop and think. This is one area where I feel he does not know what he is talking about. Maybe several letters from concerned viewers would make him see the light and change his tune?!

What do you think about Dr. Phil and his attitude on ADD? Please share your thoughts.

Why Managing Adult ADD Is Like Singing Rock Music

I've been talking a lot about personal themes lately, and the idea of adopting a theme for 2008 instead of making New Year's Resolutions.

For me, this year is about putting myself out there in a really big way. In my personal life, that means stepping up my music game. I'm a singer, and rock-style music is my passion. This is the year that I am finally jumping into working with other musicians, forming a band, writing some original material and--who knows--maybe even playing out!

As I've been working to take my abilities to the next level, I've realized that there are a number of similarities between managing adult ADD and singing rock music. You don't need to be a rock singer to appreciate the similarities.

Whatever it is that really sparks your passion in life, you can find parallels between that passion and managing your ADD. Take my example of singing rock music, and consider this:

You Gotta Practice. Even the most skilled and talented rock singers--the Robert Plants and Ann Wilsons of the world--have to keep their voices well tuned by using them on a regular basis. Without practice, a singer's skills and raw talent won't disappear, but will be a lot harder to access when needed.

Similarly, even the most successful adults with ADD have to practice their ADD management skills. Time management, organization and focus, for example, are learned skills that become rusty when you don't use them on a regular basis.

It's All About Breathing. Your breath supports your voice when you're singing. If you're not breathing regularly and deeply, your body becomes tense. And tense muscles quickly prevent a singer from performing well and sounding good.

When you're managing your ADD, tension is one of your worst enemies. A stressed mind produces a stressed body and vice versa. That stress quickly leads to ADD overwhelm, and it's nearly impossible to manage ADD in the state of overwhelm. One of the best ways to keep stress and tension at bay is to make a point of breathing deeply and regularly.

You Gotta Believe In Yourself. Singing is a performance art. If you're going to be a successful singer, you have to get over your nervousness and just go for it. (This is the stage I'm in right now!) If you believe you can do it, then you will find a way. If you believe you can't do it, then you won't do it.

You also have to believe that you can manage your ADD and take your life to the next level. If you tell yourself that you'll never be organized, then you won't be. If you give up on yourself easily, you'll never allow yourself the opportunity to be successful. When you're ready to tackle a challenge or learn a new skill, the first step is believing that you can do it.

Combining Skill With Personal Style Leads To Success. One of the things I love about rock music is that the emphasis is placed more on emotion than on skill. A rock singer definitely needs to learn about their voice and how to use it properly, but there is a lot of room for personal style. In fact, that personal style is what often draws a person to a particular singer.

This is exactly the way I describe effective ADD management. There are some base level skills and systems to be learned, and the rest is all about personal style. (These are the skills that I discuss in Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD.) When you learn to manage your ADD, WHAT works for you is not nearly as important as the fact that it DOES work.

The great thing about drawing these comparisons between two seemingly different subjects is that it allows you the opportunity to simplify the challenges you experience and ground them in something that really excites you. You can continually remind yourself, "Oh yeah, managing my time is just like singing. If I'm stressed out and nervous then I'm not going to do it well! I need to be calm, breathe, and believe that I can handle this to-do list."

I encourage you to take a stab at this exercise and see if you can draw some helpful comparisons between managing your ADD and something else that you're really interested in. Please share your thoughts in the comments!