Experiencing ADDvantages

For Your Distraction: garfield minus garfield

Ready for the weekend and feel like killing some time at work this afternoon? I have the perfect distraction for you.

When Erin told me about garfield minus garfield, I must admit that I thought it sounded ridiculous. Some guy takes the Garfield comic strip from the paper every day and photoshops Garfield out. The result is Garfield's doofy owner all by himself, and it is unbelievably funny. As the website says:

Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against lonliness in a quiet American suburb.

It seems that this is a fairly new website, with only a month of posts, so you won't lose too much time if you have a look. Be sure to check out my favorite post, from Feb 24.

Creativity and Adult ADD: Get In The Box!

Last year, Erin and I met with a business consultant to discuss plans for the ADD Management Group. During the meeting, the consultant mentioned something about my "out of the box" ideas, and Erin stopped her.

"Everyone always talks about 'out of the box' ideas!" Erin exclaimed. "Where is this box that everyone talks about? I've never understood what 'out of the box' means."

The consultant smiled very sweetly at Erin and simply replied, "That's because you are the box, Erin."

Boxes Are Our Friends

I've said it many times - Adults with ADD are creative, big picture thinkers. It's easy for us to be creative. It's easy to float from one interesting thing to the next.

It's actually much harder to harness that creative energy and turn it into productivity. Producing results requires putting a lid on your creativity long enough to let the ideas come to life. It means getting in the box and containing the ideas before they get too big to manage or--worse yet--before they float away.

This is what Erin does for the ADD Management Group. I offer the ideas, and she puts them in the box. She grounds things just enough to ensure that the good ideas get pushed into action. It works.

Of course, this is a business example, and our personal lives are slightly different. As adults with ADD, you and I are responsible for creating our own structure and containment.

This means that in order to benefit from our creative ideas, we've got to:

Be realistic about which ideas are worth pursuing, which ones are worth ditching, and which ones are worth saving for a rainy day.

Plan to follow through on those really good ideas. It's not enough to think about how great something could be. An action plan is essential.

Remember when your high school English teacher taught you to answer the questions 'Who, what, where, when, why, and how' in your essays? Answering these six little questions is an excellent way to devise a plan.

Structure our time to produce results. This means making time to act on the good ideas while still managing day-to-day life. It means setting deadlines and finding ways to remain accountable.

You've heard that saying, 'There's a time and place for everything,' right? It applies here. There's a time to be creative, and there's a time to be productive.

Your creative brain can be an incredible asset in life ...provided that you get in the box once a while and contain it.

Do you have comments on this topic? I'd love to hear them! Please share your thoughts.

3 Spaces Remain in the ADD Coaching Program that Begins March 11!

Do you have an inner maverick dying to bust out and take over?

Are you tired of trying to fit in and longing to just be yourself?

Are you ready to learn practical ADD management skills that will help you get to the next level in your life?

Great! Because I'm ready to teach you.

If you've read my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD,then you know that I live my life according to my own rules, and I don't apologize for it. I continually manage my own ADD, and I even benefit from this unique brain-wiring that we call "Attention Deficit Disorder." And for 5 years now, I've been helping clients do the same.

In the Odd One Out Coaching Program, we take an in-depth look at the strategies in the book, and delve even deeper into advanced strategies for building the 5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADD with a maverick approach.

This ADD coaching program is not for everyone. I'm looking for a very specific group of adults with ADD who:

• Have read, related to, and enjoyed my book, Odd One One: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD
• Want to improve ADD management skills and embrace the maverick within to increase successes in life
• Are willing to commit to the coaching process by attending teleclasses, completing homework assignments, and practicing techniques and strategies

I just wrapped up a sold out coaching group with a group of 10 ADDers who fit the criteria above, and it was one of the most successful coaching programs I have ever led. I was really impressed with the people in this group who participated, dug into the material, and used the 5 Essential Skills to their advantage.

I'm looking forward to working with the next group of 10 adults as they do the same.

The program begins Tuesday March 11. Teleclasses run for 6 consecutive weeks from 8.00-9.30 pm EST. Class recordings, notes, visual aids, community forums, and other resources are also provided.

Very Important: Due to other commitments, I won't be running this program again for a while. A few people have emailed to ask when the program will be run again and the answer is that I don't know. I do know for sure that I won't be able to run this program in the next 6-8 months. So if you want to join us, now is the time!

Registrations are being accepted here. Check it out! 

Beating Up Your Best Friend

Adults with ADD can be really hard on themselves. We often beat ourselves up over the smallest things, kicking self-esteem into the gutter and quashing motivation.

When a client berates herself for forgetting something, running late, or making a mistake, I ask her to breath and take a step back.

"If your friend made this innocent, simple mistake, would you berate her in the same way you're berating yourself?"

"No," is always the answer.

"So if you wouldn't treat your friend this way, why would you treat yourself this way?"

            Silence usually follows as the person realizes just how unfair she is being--to herself.

ADD-Libber has a great post on this subject, called "being your own best friend." Check it out!

For Your Distraction: Bitches Get Stuff Done

I love Tina Fey. And Hillary.

Anxiety and Recurring Dreams

Whenever my anxiety levels increase in waking life, my dreams become more stressful.

I have two recurring dream "themes." In one, I am about to graduate either high school or college, and I suddenly realize that I did not complete my math requirement. (Math was always my least favorite subject and the one I often struggled with.) I freak out in the dream, fearing that I won't graduate and hoping no one finds out about the problem. (In reality, I never in danger of not graduating.)

In the other recurring dream theme, I find myself going about my day-to-day life when I suddenly realize that I am missing a coaching appointment with a client. I freak out because I completely forgot my appointments and the client will be waiting for me. (In reality, I have accidentally missed only one appointment in five years.)

Erin's anxiety dreams are always about needing to leave somewhere and having no time to pack up all her things. College, childhood camp, or old home, she never has enough time to do everything she needs to and pack up all her stuff. (In reality, she's never been in a situation like this.)

It's probably safe to assume that my anxiety centers around the fear of forgetting important things, and Erin's anxiety is a fear of not getting things done.

While everyone is subject to periods of anxiety, it's not uncommon for adults to be diagnosed with anxiety and ADD as co-occuring conditions. And chances are that the more anxiety you experience in waking life, the more it shows up in your dreams!

Care to share on this topic?

Do you have recurring dream themes when you experience increased anxiety in day to day life? What happens in your dreams? What fear do you think the dreams represent?

Please leave your thoughts and experiences in the comments! I think this is a really interesting (and kinda fun) topic that may be helpful to talk about!

3 Easy Steps for Time Management through Daily Planning

How many times have you started your day knowing what you would ideally like to get accomplished, but feeling unsure of where to begin or how to prioritize it all? 

On days like this, you can find yourself succumbing to overwhelm before you ever leave the house. There is so much to do, and so little time and energy!

Time and task overwhelm can easily lead to stress and guilt, which can spiral into more bad feelings, and less action.

Many adults with ADD are resistant to the idea of daily planning. But daily planning is one of the best steps you can take to minimize overwhelm and take control of your time.

And better yet, implementing a daily planning routine doesn't have to be difficult! Here are 3 easy steps for time management through the use of daily planning:

1. Plan the Time to Plan
Decide on a time of day when you can consistently take 15 minutes to plan. The time of day isn't important. It can be a set time (8:00 AM) or simply "right before bed." Choose a time of day in which you typically feel alert, productive, and happy.

2. Review Your To-Do List
If you don't already use a to-do list, create one! To-do lists are a tool that help you keep track of what you need to do, and what you have accomplished. Review and re-write your to-do list during each planning session. Acknowledge the accomplishments you made during the day, and add any tasks or projects that came up. Move the most important and urgent tasks to the top of the list. Break large projects into 3-5 steps that all go on the list.

3. Review Your Calendar
Take a look at your daily planner (or calendar, PDA, or whatever you use to help manage your time.) See what appointments you have scheduled the next day. Block off the times in your planner. Then, begin to schedule in time for the tasks on your to-do list.

I'll be honest with you: developing a habit of daily planning takes practice. It doesn't happen overnight. But with a solid commitment to the process, it will happen before you know it! You'll be effectively managing your time and to-dos, and keeping overwhelm at bay.

You can find a detailed plan for building ADD-friendly time management skills in Chapter 4 of my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD.

Do you practice daily planning? In what ways does it help you manage your time and stress? Please share your thoughts!

Christmas in February

It's unseasonably warm in the Northeast today, so I took Punky and Rascal for an extra long walk. (We all needed it - it's been so damn cold!)

On our route, we went down a neighborhood street that we haven't traveled in a few months. I was surprised to see 2 houses with their Christmas lights still up (keeping 'em up all year, maybe?) and 3 consecutive houses with Christmas wreaths on the doors. One house even donned a huge "Feliz Navidad" sign in the front yard.

And I thought I was bad when it came to taking down Christmas decorations!

Josiah Leming Pulled One Over on American Idol

Okay, this has nothing to do with adult ADD, but I feel like blogging about it.

I don't watch American Idol. Sure I might catch some episodes when it gets down to a few people and everybody starts talking about it. But it's not on my regular viewing schedule of shows I tend to obsess over, like Lost (who the hell sent these new people?), The L-Word (yay Bette and Tina!), and Nip/Tuck (last week's episode when Christian "served up" his manhood was priceless).

I did happen to catch one American Idol show this week in which Josiah Leming performed Mika's "Grace Kelly." I instantly loved that kid. He did a great job with the song, had a nice personality, and he was a cutie to boot.

So I was very surprised today when I can across what seemed like a few hundred headlines about Josiah not making it to the final 24 Idol contestants. I decided to look him up and found his MySpace. It is filled with amazing demos of songs he wrote and performed himself. (I particularly enjoy "To Run.") They're really good...which leads me to believe that this kid is a genius.

I'm thinking he had a plan all along. Wow the judges, get lots of air time, and then purposely cause drama and screw up the final performance knowing you'll be booted. Pretend to cry a little, pretend that you'll have to go back to living in a car, and then shock the world when they Google you, find your MySpace, discover you're actually more talented than anyone on American Idol, and get signed to a major label.

American Idol contracts are notorious for screwing the artist, and so many of their careers never get off the ground, so why bother? Why not use the show to get publicity and then cash in with a better deal? Trust me, this kid knew what he was doing...and I love it!

I hope to hear you on the radio soon, Josiah.

How To Divide the Household Labor in an ADD Marriage

Well it seems that this ADD/marriage discussion has really struck a cord with many of you!

A client emailed me today and mentioned that she and her partner also struggle with the division of household chores. She agrees that it's not good for her when her partner takes up the slack. However, she struggles to maintain progress on the chores and tasks she's responsible for, losing momentum after a couple of weeks.

Housework is a sore spot in many relationships, mine included. Believe me, Erin and I have many discussions (and fights) about this. But there are ways to minimize the conflict.

Here's what I suggest to all couples who need some help in this area:

1. Have a meeting to discuss what needs to be done, and how often. Be very specific about what each task entails. "Clean up the kitchen at night" isn't good enough. Figure out what needs to be done (dishes, counters, leftovers) in order for everyone to be happy with the finished job. Write it all down! Making a spreadsheet or chart is a good idea.
2. Determine the division of labor based on a few considerations.
   1. Who likes to do what? Or, at the very least, who doesn't mind doing what?
   2. Who is better at what? Who gets less frustrated with certain tasks?
   3. Who was the time? Sometimes one partner works more or spends more time out of the house, and you may want to account for this. Deciding on the best division of labor doesn't necessarily mean splitting it down the middle.
3. For the ADDer, and perhaps the other partner as well, determine when the tasks will be done.
4. Create a plan to deal with problems. If either person slacks off, what is the other person’s responsibility? To gently point it out? To talk about the problem? To negotiate taking over the  chores that aren't getting done in exchange for something else? Agree on the best course of action up front, so no one gets pissed off later.

If you'd like to read more on this topic, have a look at these posts on my blog and Erin's blog:

• What About Me? Wednesday: When Your Partner is Stressed
• Tough Love for Adults with ADD
• Adult ADD is an Explanation Not an Excuse
• Let Me Get That For You