Adults with ADD: Are You Playing the When-Then Game?

Let me tell you about a little something I call "The When-Then Game." It's a trap that way too many adults with ADD get caught in.

The When-Then Game looks like this:

When I get my house spic-n-span, then I'll invite friends over.

When I get in to work on time every day for a month, then I'll ask for that raise.

When I lose 20 pounds, then I'll buy new clothes.

When I get rid of all that clutter in my garage, then I'll take that dancing class.

While playing the When-Then Game, you convince yourself that you can't do one thing until you do something else. Or, you refuse to let yourself have fun simply because there are projects you haven't completed.

The When-Then Game can severely damage your self-esteem, because your focus is predominantly on what isn't getting done. It makes you feel bad about yourself!

It's very easy to get wrapped up in all the things you think you should be doing, instead of moving forward. But the When-Then Game keeps you stuck in a state of perpetual overwhelm. Life isn't enjoyable; it's merely a to-do list.

Rather than succumbing to the When-Then Game, imagine that you:

Invited guests over, even though your house wasn't perfect. You'd probably be surprised that your guests didn't judge you, and you actually had a good time. Their houses aren't perfect, either, you know!

Asked for that raise, even though you have flaws. You might be surprised to find that your strengths outweigh your weaknesses in the eyes of your boss.

Bought a new outfit, even though you'd still like to lose some weight. Most likely, the new clothes would allow you to feel better about yourself, which in turn would help you take better care of yourself!

Took that class even though the garage is still cluttered. You might enjoy yourself so much that you found yourself more motivated to clean up the cluttered garage. Or not. Who cares? Why let something as little as a cluttered garage keep you from having fun??

Please all adults with ADD, stop playing the When-Then Game! You're the only one holding yourself back, and you deserve better.

Live out loud!

Wanna read more about "Living Out Loud"? It's the subject of Chapter 5 in my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD.

And hey, don't forget, there's a BIG announcement coming this month! And it's something that everyone in the world of ADD will want to know about! If you want to be one of the first to find out, subscribe to this blog!

Comments

[Dave S]

Overcoming When-Then means to me that I've made a decision. My choice is to let go of When-Then if it's not a big deal and go ahead and do something for me. The decision is for me and it makes me feel better about the situation because I am looking out for my well being and attitude first and that it's OK to do that. I don't hold myself down in When-Then situations that drag me down more. Example: I'll go for that run as soon as I've cleared off my desk of work (I work at home), taken care of 27 things that are essentially chores that can be done during a day and then I'll feel like I have earned the time to go for a run. What usually happens is that I get caught up, won't get to everything and then I'm hard on myself and get the "did you get all that stuff done" comment from my wife, which builds frustratinon.
My experience is that if you truely have the confidence that you'll get the things done that you need to (having a realistic plan to manage time), then do the thing for yourself first. It is empowering. It sets you up to charge through the rest of the things you need to do. You'll execute with more energy and creativity because your mind is telling you you are on a role and you've got a plan.

[rosana]

Thank you for this article! You are so right!

[Priscilla]

Oh, wow, I play this game all the time. *All* the time. No wonder I never have any fun!

[Cynthia Hammer]

Jennifer

You always make so much sense--commonsense. Your insight and advice for those with ADHD are always right on. Thank you for sharing your wisdoms with us. When--then. I had never thought of it this way. I will certainly use this concept with future ADHD coaching clients

[Cynthia Hammer]

Jennifer

You always make so much sense--commonsense. Your insight and advice for those with ADHD are always right on. Thank you for sharing your wisdoms with us. When--then. I had never thought of it this way. I will certainly use this concept with future ADHD coaching clients

[Gene Mostad]

Jennifer,

I have lived my whole life with when then & task lists. This is a serious issue for me that I need to deal with.Not having enought play time in life has keep me in a overwhelmed to miserable & sometimes hopeless state of mind. This gives me great hope that I will break this habit & start living out side the box of endless tasks & to do's.

Thank you,

Gene