Authenticity and ADD

The ADD community has been pretty vocal lately, as you may be aware.

Some people feel that they are being taken advantage of by ADD professionals who market their services online.

And others are upset about what they consider to be the high fees for ADD-related products and services. They want to know why getting help costs so much money.

Maybe you've been wondering about these things, too?

I think it's time for me to weigh in.

Hey, What's That Smell?

One of the things I pride myself on is authenticity.

When you read my book, newsletters, or blog, you're reading my authentic voice. Clients, friends, and family members have all commented that reading my book is like having a conversation with me.

The same is true when you coach with me, either privately or in a group. I say what I think in the way that I think it will be best received.

In fact, the only thing I hold back on in my life and my work is swearing. I curse like a truck driver. Some people are fine with this, and I try to tone it down for others. And I caused quite a few jaws to drop when I accidentally let the s-word slip at Disney a few years ago. It could have been much worse-believe me.

Here's what I really think about authenticity and ADD:

While some people believe that adults with ADD can be easily taken advantage of, I actually think that the vast majority of us can smell a bullshit artist a mile away. I know I certainly can.

I can also tell when well-meaning people say or do things that don't come across the way they intend them to.

Have YOU ever stuck your foot in your mouth? Ever said something that came out completely wrong and ended up hurting someone's feelings? I have. Many times.

So I try not to hold it against other people who are saying one thing when they actually mean another. Sometimes the best intentions are overshadowed by poor communication.

That said,...

One Size Does Not Fit All in the World of ADD

If you take medication for ADD, then you know that there are a bunch of different meds out there and that it can take a while to find the one that works for you. And then it can take a while to find the right dose!

And if you've read a bunch of books on ADD, then you probably found one or two that you didn't like as much as everyone else did. The same holds true for websites, support groups, and other resources. You might find value in something that others don't.

We all have ADD, but we're all individuals.

This applies to marketing, too. My sense is that many people have been turned off not so much by the ADD professionals who are marketing themselves, but by the one-size-fits-all marketing approaches that they've encountered.

These marketing approaches can sometimes come off as sleazy or, worse yet, inauthentic. If you find yourself turned off by such an approach, then that's okay.

If you don't like the way one person markets their services, you can always find what you're looking for elsewhere.

Take this newsletter, for example. Some people are going to hear my voice and instantly relate to it. Others won't. That's the way it goes.

And you know what, that's a good thing! If someone doesn't relate to me, or even like me, that's okay. I don't like everyone, either! And the good news is that there are plenty of other ADD coaches and service providers out there. It's not hard to find someone that you can relate to.

It's also worth noting that for many of us in the professional field, our work is our livelihood. Just like any other service provider, we have certain fees that we charge based on a number of factors, including our own experience and the value that people receive from our services.

If you wanted help with real estate, you'd pay more for personal advice from Donald Trump than you would to attend one of his seminars. And you'd pay more for his seminars than you would to read his books. The same is true in the world of ADD.

Which brings me to my last point. I have a very stong opinion about finding help for ADD:

If you NEED help for ADD, then don't look for it online. Look for a doctor, therapist, or support group in your local area. Sometimes you have to travel further than you would like or spend more than you want to, but it's worth it.

If you WANT help for ADD, but the situation isn't dire, then broaden your search beyond your local area. This is where the Internet and trends in global communication really pay off.

Just remember that there are plenty of professionals offering their services.

One size doesn't fit all.

What Do YOU Think?

I would really love to hear your thoughts on the subject of "authenticity and ADD."

Let's have a conversation. I encourage you to tell me what you think in the comments field below.

Comments

[Sheri]

I've found that managing my ADD and my daughter's ADHD is expensive and overwhelming. You have to see one doctor for your meds, another one for counseling, then try to find a couch to help you with behavior modification. Just trying to find a doctor that you trust is challenging because most of them just want to push meds. Then you have to find the other professionals to help you address all facets of having ADD. Then there's the expense, which insurance may or may not cover.

What makes this adventure even more challenging is finding an "authentic" doctor. I went thru 4 doctors before finally finding one that I was half-way comfortable with. The other 3 doctors just wanted to push meds as opposed to trying to address every aspect of having ADD. Authenticity is a real problem.

[Jen Koretsky]

Thanks for your comments, Sheri. The whole process of managing ADD (both child and adult) can be overwhelming. And finding a doctor that you like, respect, and trust is a very challenging task. You did the right thing by not giving up!

[Paul Copcutt]

Jen - what a great blog entry. You have hit on a number of points regarding authenticity that can apply across all apsects of life, not just for those in the ADD area.
You have given a great example of your personal brand in action and your comments are totally on brand for you. Finding someone who sits with your beliefs, passions and values is key to have a trusting and lasting relationship - good for you for spelling it out.

[Jessica Naomi]

After going to clueless shrinks for years, who had just jumped on the new ADHD cottage industry in the 1990s, I was more harmed than I had been before I looked for help.

One idiotic shrink promised me for six months that he was going to help me. Then he said, "Marry someone or hire someone, because there is nothing you can do about ADHD."

I kept his asinine words in mind when I sought help online.

Now I only trust coaches or counselors who actually live with ADHD and know the challenges first hand. I believe those professionals because they have worked out systems that work for them and for their clients.

I knew this was the right way for me to get help after reading What Does Everyone Know that I Don't, and I realized that the author of that book had no help for me at all. She did not know what it feels like to live with ADHD, only what ADHD looks like to her from the outside (her son has ADHD).

OTOH reading Odd One Out, I knew that because you know what the challenges are personally first hand, I was finally on the right path.

Finding the best ADHD professional is like finding the best medications. Sometimes it takes trying this or that until the fit feels right.

Thanks for your post and all you do.

[Sam Bussey]

Jennifer,

A person would have to be woefully stupid not to realize that a face-to-face meeting with a medical professional is necessary to confirm an ADD diagnosis.

However, what happens after that is up to the individual and what the perceived needs are.

After a lot of reading, I began to understand that the condition isn't curable, only manageable.

So, you stop looking for a magic bullet and try to find ways to offset the effects of your own ADD behaviors.

In that process, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a princess, or something that helps. Some things you think will help don't, and others you think won't, will.

So, authenticity has to be experienced, I think. And, of course, there is a certain amount of risk involved.

[Emily]

I think you rock. I love how you articulate your thoughts. You are an equalizer, and I think that is GREAT.

[Jen Koretsky]

Paul - thanks for the great feedback! I always know I'm communicating well when the Personal Brand expert acknowledges a post. :)

[Jen Koretsky]

Jessica - you make a fantastic point: "It takes one to know one." I agree that "been there, done that" is helpful in a number of areas - ADD management, weight loss, addiction, etc. Those who have been through it personally have a whole other level of understanding. I'm glad you were able to ditch the words of that doc.

Thanks for your feedback!

[Jen Koretsky]

Sam - I think you also make a great point: there is a certain level of trial and error, and some risk involved, when one looks to find help in any area of life. Your kissing frogs metaphor is a good one!

And I must say that I agree with you - some people make some not-so-smart decisions and then look for others to blame. It's unfortunate, but it happens.

Thanks for your feedback!

[Jen Koretsky]

Emily - nothing makes me more giddy than being told that I rock. Must have something to do with my rock star fantasies. :)

Thanks for your feedback!
(And VERY cute pic of you and your son!)

[Lori]

No one forces anyone to purchase products, services, counseling, etc. Advertising pays for the ability to get free information and newsletters. It is a small price to pay for the great information available to all of us. As with any "disorder" or personality trait we can find LOTS of information available online and we have to sort out what fits for us and what doesn't. Unsubscribe if you are upset. Otherwise quit whining and get on with enjoying life. It is especially fun for us ADDers.

[Jen Koretsky]

Lori - I'm so glad you made these points! Advertising does pay for free info, and marketing is a part of our lives--online and offline. Without marketing and advertising, we might miss out on tons of great stuff! And yes, sometimes we have to wade through some junk marketing, but there are some gems.

Also, I couldn't agree more about unsubscribing. If you don't like it, change the channel, close the book, unsubscribe, etc. Then, as you say, quit whining and get on with enjoying life! :)

Thanks for your feedback!

[John]

Jen,
You're right on the money. There's no silver bullet or magic wand for ADD or anything in life. Not even Money.

The bottom line is that society seems to have created a level of acceptance to blame everyone else but yourself for your place in life. I was 38 when I was officially diagnosed with ADD. I still struggle with it and I certainly don't expect to unlearn 38 (now 44) years of doing things one way just by taking a pill or reading the internet or buying a product alone. I do however feel that having tried all of these things - I have made progress. Pills weren't for me - but I was lucky not to have a Dr. who felt they were the answer.

To be successful, all we need to do is have a will to keep trying to improve our SELVES and the realization that we have a LOT more control over our destinies than we have been led to believe. The sooner we accept responsibility for ourselves the better for US.

Thanks for your material and information!!

[Carlos]

Hi Jen... im from Latin America, and im still learning about all of this... I'm 29 years old and finally i{m getting a lot of things that happenned to me from day one.....I already like you....Thank you...... thank you so much.....I know it's gonna take a while for me to change my way of life.... but it's worthwhile .. right?

[Ray in No. CA]

I have been a reader of your information for a few years. I trust you!! I have not found anyone local to me that knows ADD in adults. Maybe you could give me a recommendation? Until then, I trust this online source and your book which has been very helpful to me!!

[judy]

Dear Jennifer

I find your free newsletter immensely helpful - I hardly think you can be accused of milking your clients when you offer this service without charge.

Thank you,

Judy

[Kerry]

Jen and Erin - TY both for your hard work and authenticity. It is truly refreshing in the vast world of advice. Of course when I received my diagnosis at the age of 33 (now 35) it was in a face-to-face meeting with my counselor and then psychiatrist, however since then, being the avid researcher that I am, and an advocate for health promotion and education for lay folks, I find that Jen and Erin's approach is authentic, real, no-holds barred from sharing the true nature of the ADD beast in every day life situations. I do take meds, they work for me, but I also have lots of family and colleague support to manage this condition/differential approach to life. I feel at least for myself that I am some ways, at least in my individual life and family that I'm a pioneer in trying to forge new ways of approaching ADD. It can be exciting but also full of effort and sometimes failure. I guess all of us ADDers need to band together and take care of one another. And Jen and Erin do a great job of reminding us that we are REAL, AUTHENTIC contributors to our own place in our worlds. I always feel energized after reading one of Jen's or Erin's posts.

Secondly, I'm interested in the post from John from SA. John - how does the medical community in SA thinking about ADD/ADHD and approach diagnosis, medication and other treatments? How is ADD viewed in South American culture?

So, keep it real, Jen and Erin, yo,yo,yo, peace out from your ADD homey! HA!

This of couse makes a very fine point. I live in Houston and there is not any help here how can youlive in such a large city and no one is reaching out for the adders. Chadd is here but only meets once a month and generally for kids i am lost. Anyone who would like to start a meeting here please get in touch and i have a place that will be available within a couple of months at a counceling center they are preparing for some group rooms. Lost in houston and needing communication besides internet. Thanks

[Wendy]

First of all, I have always enjoyed your genuineness and authenticity. You "cut to the chase" in every newsletter. I am not put off by your prices. My opinion is, if you can't afford it, don't buy it. When I can, I will. But I live in a community that is very critical of anything anyone does. That is not a positive way to be. So, to hear others being critical of those trying to help is hard for me. I'm sure there are some less-than-honest counselors out there, but you are certainly not one of them. In light of that, I applaud you for taking what many consider to be a "disorder" and you have turned your life into one that blesses others. You've taken the lemon you've been dealt and prepared lemonade for all of us. Your free email newsletter is such a huge blessing and help to me each time. Someday I may be able to afford a course or book. But until then, you still offer help and encouragment for free. And it IS your livelihood and I respect that. Thank you for being a blessing to the ADD world. I for one, deeply appreciate what you do. Keep it up!!

[Gay Anne Ewing]

You should know my opinion now, I am thrilled to have a network with the same ADD personality glitches we have together and I found out late in life I am 58 years old and since I am on low-dose strattera for over 3 years now, and Cymbalta for my depression? Feel great, look younger and my boyfriend is 10 years younger and HOT and I love this man, got to have a sense of humor in life, BE happy, if you do not have a SOLUTION to a problem, don't COMPLAIN:)

[Lynda]

Jennifer: I enjoy reading your newsletter info and look forward to future ones.

I also have always enjoyed swearing. I think it gives me an outlet for my emotions while I'm trying to express myself to people. I do manage to curb my swearing for the most part and moreso as I'm getting older and see the need for professionalism.

Personally, I feel that I've been taken advantage of, because I was quite naive on many subjects and especially interpersonal relationships. Getting bullied in the workplace and personal relationships, for example.

My people intuition is a strength though, and I agree with you on recognizing a B.S. artist right away! Woo-hoo!

In fact, I recently ended a dating fiasco, AFTER being physically abused by my partner. . . however, right from the start, my intuition was LITERALLY SCREAMING AT ME to leave this Fish in the Sea. I ignored my inner voice several times during the 7 months we dated. I have lived to regret not listening to myself. However, I did want to give the relationship a chance and not write off this person immediately like I was so wanting to intuitively. I'm now in counselling/therapy to build self-esteem and self-trust; using Dr. Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt's Personal Meditations book (the Imago - how we develop our image of the ideal life partner based on our relationships with our primary caregivers in our developmental years i.e. childhood is phenomenally accurate--an ADD psychologist in Calgary put me onto this)

I think attending a local support group is invaluable. I found my excellent ADHD doctor thru the local support group here in Calgary.

At this support group, the facilitators told me that often the ADD diagnosis is just a beginning (or the tip of the iceberg) because of the other accompanying conditions that come with it. i.e. comorbidities i.e. these things travel in clusters.

So in addition to the fact that it TAKES TIME to find the correct "cocktail" or chemical mixture of your ADHD meds, it may not entirely solve your issues because you may have other things that yet need to be diagnosed or treated. Every thing has to be treated. Not just the ADD/ADHD.

This takes honesty, courage, and most of all patience.

Meanwhile, the best advice which I'm trying to follow is to persevere, patiently and positively making gradual changes all around in my life. Sari Solden really teaches how to embrace myself with my difficulties and strengths. I am the whole package and it has been 4 years and I am only now beginning to turn my relationship with my ADD into a positive one. And it is slow going. I am able to advocate for myself better and better without disrespecting myself.

CHEERIO for now, and good luck everyone.

[Jen Koretsky]

John - your point about responsibility and self-awareness is well taken. I completely agree!

Thanks for your feedback!

[Jen Koretsky]

Carlos - I like you already, too! :) And yes, it is absolutely worth while to make positive changes in your life. good luck!

[Jen Koretsky]

Ray - the have a look at our resources page at http://www.addmanagement.com/free_resources/more_resources.html

There you'll find some directories of service providers and can search for a specialist in your area. (I'm in NY, so I don't have many contacts in CA.)

Good luck, and thanks for your feedback!

[Jen Koretsky]

Judy - thanks for your feedback! I appreciate YOUR appreciation of the free resources! :)

[Jen Koretsky]

Kerry - your comments on community are well received. It is SO important that we not isolate ourselves and instead form relationships with other like-minded individuals. Offline or online!

I, too, would love to hear more about ADD life in Latin America!

Thanks for your feedback!

[Jen Koretsky]

For anonymous in Houston - Take a look at the directories I recommended to Ray in CA. They are the best way to find local professionals who specialize in ADD. Good luck!

http://www.addmanagement.com/free_resources/more_resources.html

[Jen Koretsky]

Wendy - thanks so much for your feedback and support! I think you have a GREAT attitude. :)

[Jen Koretsky]

Gay Anne - thanks for your feedback and support! And enjoy that hot boyfriend of yours! ;)

[Jen Koretsky]

Lynda - excellent point about that "inner voice." It is so important that we learn to listen to it! Glad to hear that things are looking bright for you now.

Thanks for your feedback!

[Helen]

Thanks Jen for the honesty. It's so nice to have someone just say it the way it is. I hate having to try to figure out exactly what someone means. Just say it. As for me, I like the online experience right now much more than sitting in waiting rooms to see another person to help with ADD.

[Jen Koretsky]

Helen - I'm with you! Say what you mean and mean what you say. :)

Thanks for your feedback!

[Helen]

Thanks for the honesty Jen! I find the info you provide to be incredibly helpful in making each day easier to deal with ADD!

[divagayanne]

Once I read your book I was inspired beyond words, finally someone has taken this "quirky little disease" and began to fight it with both fists,my fiance' who is ten years younger than me agreed that many things, attitudes you described fit me to the T:) so, now I welcome each day as a gift, not a challenge, do I ever follow a straight and narrow path? NOOOOOOOOOOO, and really how interesting would I be then?

[Jen Koretsky]

Thank you for your feedback, Helen, I really appreciate it! :)

[Donna]

Jen--I like getting your newsletters because they are usually right on target for me. Although I can't afford your personal services, I certainly believe you should be compensated accordingly. I really appreciate learing from someone who has struggled and survived ADD. You do rock!

[Jen Koretsky]

Thanks for your feedback, Donna, I really appreciate it! :)