Mavericks Break the Rules

Before my book was published last year, I brainstormed titles and subtitles with my Mastermind Group of coaches. The title Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD was born out of that meeting.

A week later, I came up with the subtitle: How to Be Happy and Successful by Breaking the Rules. I loved it! It was a fantastic summary of my personal coaching philosophy. I sent it around to some close friends and colleagues and asked for feedback.

A few people liked it a lot, but a couple of people emailed me with the same concern: they suggested I use the subtitle "How to Be Happy and Successful by Making Your Own Rules," instead of "...by Breaking the Rules." Breaking the rules seemed a little too strong, they said. And really it means the same thing in the end, doesn't it?

I thanked everyone for their feedback, and chose not to change the subtitle. Here's why: Mavericks aren't content to just make new rules. Mavericks don't even like rules. And we tend to not like the people who make the rules much, either.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging anyone to indulge in a crime spree. What I am suggesting, however, is that there are a number of social rules and constraints that many ADDers struggle to adhere to.

Think about all the rules that you feel pressured to follow, like:

• You must put money before happiness when it comes to your job or career
• You must sit perfectly still in a meeting or classroom so as not to disrupt others
• You must go to bed and wake up at a "reasonable" hour
• You must super-clean your house for guests
• You must put everything away in a neat and tidy place if you want to be organized
• You must put the needs of your family and friends before your needs
• You must be productive throughout the entire day
• And worst of all - you must do everything in your power to hide your ADD from everyone around you

I call BS on all these rules, and the others like them!

Maverick ADDers actually function better with guidelines instead of rules. When we create structure for ourselves, it needs to flexible, not rigid.

The maverick approach to ADD management requires that you take a good, hard look at the rules you're pressuring yourself to follow, and decide which ones need to be broken.

When you embrace the maverick within and make a conscious decision to break the rules that have been holding you back, you give yourself permission to be happy and successful according to your own guidelines. You move beyond your challenges, and into your authentic self.

In this regard, the maverick approach to ADD management is easier than you might think. Following the rules can be painful... but breaking them can be fun.

What rules are you ready to break? Tell us! Please share your thoughts in the comments field.

Comments

[Liz Field]

Hello
I had to read your list of rules that we feel pressured to follow in the latest ADD Management Group e mail about 3 times. It's hared to admit that I've been guilty of buying into everyone of them my entire adult life.
I have the Maverick's book but haven't had a minute yet to read it - obviously, been staying way too busy keeping up with all those rules. Well, that's going to change today . . .thank you so much.

[Eric Dickhaus]

Jennifer,

I applaud your efforts, it is a very difficult task to help people deal with such a broad condition, yet your rules hit very close to home. Adults with AD/HD need to understand that focusing on things at which they will inevitably fail is counterproductive. In order to make progress, it is useless to start with an ideal that is unobtainable. Good enough IS! I live in Tuscany, a benefit if you love wonderful food and lovely landscapes, but a true nightmare if you have AD/HD. Books and blogs like yours are vital for many of us who wish to understand the diffrent points of view about AD/HD, as well as the different ways we can deal with them. Please let me know if you would be willing to allow us to translate your work in Italian for the over 5 million people here who would benefit from it! We have, in addition to the general ignorance that exists everywhere, Scientologists here that have organized a program to deny the exiostence of AD/HD, and who have introduced laws into our congress to outlaw the stimulant medications that could help so many people. So keep up your dedicated and good work, and tell us if you would like to participate in our initiatives!

warmest regards,

Dr. Eric W. Dickhaus
Fondazione Attento
Ambra (Arezzo) Italy

[Mary Kay L.]

I break the rules about taking a nice home-made item to a pot-luck dinner: I stop at a grocery store on the way, and if I forgot to bring my own bowl/container, buy a glass mixing bowl and celophane, buy salad at deli, dump into bowl, fill bowl, cover with celophane, pass off as my own. And pay tooooo much money for it.

I break the rules about having an always-company-ready home. I try very hard and usually succeed to have the living room presentable. The kitchen table though, is rarely cleared of papers, etc. and my computer room is not clutter-free. I recently got the bedroom cleared out - but its waiting for me on the ping pong table...ick...

I break the rules about weekly dusting/vacuuming. I do it before someone is expected or when I notice it and its making me crazy.

I break the rules about having people over for dinner. I'm sorry, its just too stressful for me. I planned for years on celebrating my 50th in a big way, both for the celebration and as a way of thanking and recognizing all the friends in my life and purchased catered food, keg, etc. and that was my main entertaining. Phew! I'm just lucky my group of friends continues to invite me over to dinner.

Living in a neuro-typical world is difficult at times for we individuals with ADHD.

[Amy G]

Jennifer,

Thanks for your comments! It helps a lot to know it's okay to be a maverick and we can choose to be different. It's okay.

[Jennifer Koretsky]

It's great to see so many positive and powerful comments here. I think this subject really hits a nerve for many of us.

Thanks to all who have shared!

[Susan Kaplan]

Here is the rule I am breaking:

I have excised the word "maverick" from not only my vocabulary but my entire consciousness. I understand the use of this word in the context of ADHD, and I embrace the concept.

The term, however, has been so prominent these days that I cannot allow myself to even contemplate it.

And, as to breaking rules, well, I just try to not have any, that way I don't feel guilty about breaking them. Tomorrow is another day; that's my motto.