Experiencing ADDvantages

ADD Moments: Smelling the "Roses"

A few days ago, I went to Home Depot and bought garden soil, manure and mulch. I'm dabbling in vegetable gardening this summer and I got everything I needed to build a raised bed.

On the way back from the store, I wasn't feeling well, and I decided that I'd build the bed the following day. But then it rained and I couldn't work outside. So I figured I would prepare my raised bed this weekend. No biggie.

Then I forgot all about the stuff in my trunk.

For the next couple of days, for whatever reason, we took Erin's car whenever we drove somewhere. The fact that I had actual bags of shit in my trunk didn't even cross my mind...until today.

Today I have an appointment that requires a 2-hour drive, and my car smells like shit. Literally.

It's only 52 degrees in NY today, but I'll be making my 2-hour drive with the windows rolled down.

ADD Moments: For the Birds

I seem to be having a lot of 'ADD moments' lately. It must be the summer heat.

We recently enjoyed an evening u-picking at Kelder's Farm. (Yes, we have been u-picking a lot this summer. Peaches are next. And yes, I have become quite the country bumpkin lately.) We went to Kelder's for their blueberries. Rows and rows and rows of beautiful blueberry bushes!

We each took a paper container and went our separate ways to gather luscious, plump, sweet blueberries. (And yes, they are as good as I make them sound.)

I was completely calm and happy plucking my berries--in what could almost be described as a mediation. My focus and concentration were high, and I was content to just be in the moment. I did notice, however, that there were birds squawking loudly in the background. At first it didn't bother me.

And after a while, as I moved down the row of bushes and closer to those birds, the noise became more and more distracting. And annoying.

Just when I felt like I couldn't take it any longer, Erin and I crossed paths. As soon as I saw her I said, "What the hell is up with these friggin' birds? They're driving me crazy!"

"Jen," Erin said. "They're not real birds. It's a recording to keep the birds away from the berries." Then she pointed up. "You're standing right under the speaker."

I was so focused on my berries that I didn't realize:

1. The sound of the squawking birds was only about 10 seconds long, and on a loop.
2. The sound was getting louder and louder as I moved down the row and closer to the speaker.
3. THAT I WAS STANDING UNDERNEATH A FAIRLY LARGE SPEAKER ON A FAIRLY LARGE POLE.

What was that about attention inconsistencies?

ADD Moments: You Say 'Tomato,' I Say 'Tomato?!?'

When life gets busy and the pressure is on, I always encourage my clients to reshuffle priorities. You can't do it all, and something has to give.

As always, I follow my own advice. So when things got crazy in the last month with the ADDA Conference, the launch of the Virtual AD/HD Conference, and no less than 7 family birthdays, I had to let a few things go. One of them was my yard maintenance.

The little bit of landscaping that I've done is in desperate need of weeding. And it's been ages since I checked in on the little blueberry bush that I planted in the Spring. In fact, I was afraid to even look at it because I knew that it, too, would be overgrown with weeds.

So last night we were outside playing fetch with the dogs and I decided to venture over to Mr. Blueberry Bush and see how he was doing. You have to understand, we get our lawn mowed by a service (otherwise it would never get done) and there is no window in the house that looks directly out at the blueberry bush. So what I saw was a complete shock.

There, in the spot where Mr. Blueberry Bush once lived, was a HUGE sprawling weed. It was about 3 feet high and 3 feet wide, and it had little yellow flowers. Upon further inspection, I also noticed little green fruit. Tons of it! Could they be...? Could this be...? A tomato plant?

Erin took pictures and posted them to a few forums asking for help identifying this gigantic thing that had strangled and killed Mr. Blueberry Bush. And it turns out that it is, in fact, a tomato plant. Probably a grape tomato plant. A gigantic, murderous, grape tomato plant...that I didn't plant!

My best guess is that there were tomato seeds in the bed where I planted the blueberry bush. This was the site of an old compost pile, which I choose as the site for my blueberry bush because the soil would be rich and fertile. I had no idea that there were seeds in there that hadn't decomposed.

Unbelievable. When I try to grow something, I can't. When I'm -- literally -- not looking, I end up growing a gigantic tomato plant.

If this isn't an ADD moment, then I don't know what is.

I don't even like tomatoes.

ADD Moment: Thank You for Not Burning

Last week I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. In typical ADD fashion, I temporarily forgot about the meatballs on the stove and was about 10 minutes late checking on them. I ran downstairs and crept over to the pot with trepidation. I was afraid I burned dinner.

I lifted the lid and was relieved to find that all was well "Oh thank you, meatballs!" I exclaimed. "Thank you for waiting for me and not burning!"

At that moment, Erin burst out laughing in another room. "What's so funny?" I asked.

"You," she said. "You do realize that you're talking to meatballs, right?"

Hey, whatever works.

March mADDness Week 1 Winner

The winner of our first March mADDness giveaway is Beth B! Beth submitted this very funny "ADD moment."

Well when I lived in Japan there was no central heating. There was a heating table called a kotatsu that I sat at to keep warm. It wrinkled the clothes terribly so of course in the morning I would just wear my slip and put on my skirt as I was heading out the door.

Of course one day I went out the door without paying attention. I couldn't understand why people were looking at me funny. They often stared at me because I was a foreigner. When I looked down and saw the lace of my slip but no skirt I was mortified but laughed. I had to turn around and take a different bus back home, laughing the whole way.

The Japanese also thought it was odd that I would tell this story on myself shortly after it happened.

Congratulations, Beth! We'll be contacting you offline to get your address and send you the autographed copy of Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD.

I had my own ADD moment today when trying to randomly choose a winner from the eligible entries. The method that I eventually settled on worked well, and I think it's the way we'll choose the random winners for the rest of the month. Here's what I did:

1. I wrote the names of all the eligible entries on a small pieces of paper and folded each one twice.
2. I placed all the papers in a baseball cap, and shook them up.
3. I nonchalantly placed the cap on the floor and walked away, knowing Rascal couldn't resist stealing one. I was right.
4. I chased him until he gave up the stolen paper, and then read the winner's name. It was a fun time for both of us.

Thanks to all who participated! If you didn't win, don't fret, you still have three more chances to win a prize this month. Tomorrow I'll announce the next March mADDness contest.

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March mADDness Week 1: ADD Moments

Why should basketball fans have all the fun in March?

You don't need to know your brackets to win some cool stuff this season. All you need to do is comment on a blog post and you just might win a prize! I'll be giving away free products this month, just for the hell of it.

So let's get started...who wants some swag??

March mADDness Week 1: ADD Moments

Prize: An autographed copy of my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD

To Enter: In the comments field below, post your best and/or funniest ADD moment. "ADD moments" are those times when your ADD causes a comical or awkward situation.

Deadline: Comments must be posted by midnight EST on Sunday March 9th. The winner will be announced on Monday March 10.

You MUST include your name, email address, and an ADD moment to be eligible for the prize. (At minimum, please include your first name and last initial. Your name will be published, your email address will not be.)

The winner will be chosen at random from all eligible entries and notified by email, as well as on the blog.

Good luck!

Christmas in February

It's unseasonably warm in the Northeast today, so I took Punky and Rascal for an extra long walk. (We all needed it - it's been so damn cold!)

On our route, we went down a neighborhood street that we haven't traveled in a few months. I was surprised to see 2 houses with their Christmas lights still up (keeping 'em up all year, maybe?) and 3 consecutive houses with Christmas wreaths on the doors. One house even donned a huge "Feliz Navidad" sign in the front yard.

And I thought I was bad when it came to taking down Christmas decorations!

ADD Moments: Sexual Innuendo

Many Adults with ADD have problems with impulsiveness, and this often takes the form of speaking before thinking--otherwise known as sticking your foot in your mouth. I do it often. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, and sometimes it's just plain funny.

In a phone meeting with my Mastermind Group yesterday, I emailed the group a link to a webpage I wanted them to look at. One of the members was having trouble getting the page to load. After a few moments I asked him, "Hey, did you get it up yet?"

I knew instantly that it was the wrong choice of words and thought that maybe no one would notice. But two seconds later the other two group members couldn't control their giggling. Oh well, we all got a good laugh out of it!

And I'm not the only ADDer who accidentally talks dirty. A couple of weeks ago I was working with a client to brainstorm ways that she could avoid nodding off in boring company meetings. I suggested playing with a fidget toy or squeezing a stress ball. "Oh, that's a great idea," she agreed. "I love squeezing balls!"

Just as quickly as she said it, she took it back. "Oh my goodness!" She exclaimed. "That came out wrong!" We enjoyed a chuckle over that ADD moment, too.

But my favorite example of this kind of ADD moment happened about 4 years ago. I was running support groups for women with ADD at the time, and I got a call from a man who was looking for a coach. "I know you do women," he said. "But do you do men, too?"

Considering the fact that I am actually a lesbian, the question took me by surprise. I briefly considered a cheeky answer in the form of, That depends, what are you looking for and how much are you offering? But instead I answered his question seriously, "Yes, I coach men." The poor guy had no idea what he had just said.

Have you ever made someone laugh, or gotten yourself into trouble, with a sexually charged ADD moment? Please share your experience in the comments!

 

Please - No More Turkey! (Rated R)

I came to a new conclusion over the weekend: Thanksgiving is one big ADD moment waiting to happen.

I love Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday. It gets (most of) us 2 weekdays off work, a 4-day weekend, and tons and tons and tons of delicious food. What's not to love?

For the past 5 or 6 years, we've spent T-day with Erin's mom in New Jersey. We always go to the same restaurant. It's a nice place and the food is good, but I always complain that there is no turkey to enjoy afterwards. So this year I had a turkey waiting for us and cooked us a mini T-day yesterday. It was my first time cooking T-day dinner, and even though it wasn't a real T-day, it was crazy nonetheless.

It all started with the turkey. I ordered it from our Amish farmer friend who we get most of our meats from. Raised right - on pasture with no intervention - and killed humanely. They are really fresh and tasty - no comparison to industrially raised animals. Sometimes, however, it's a little too fresh. Unlike Butterball, Amish farmers don't place gizzards into a nice little plastic bag that you can easily pull out and discard.

So when I got the turkey out yesterday, all I could do was stare at it. There was a hole under the breast with a flap of skin. "What the fuck is that?" I wondered. No clue. I poked at it and tried to pull on it with some tongs. No luck.

Then I noticed the organs poking out of the other, smaller hole in the turkey. Great. I started tugging on those with tongs and they weren't budging, either. "Oh no!" I cringed. "I think they're still attached!"

Traumatized, I called my mother. She wasn't home.

I sat on the couch in a confused daze for about an hour until she called me back. "Mom, you have to help me. The turkey cavity is full of skin and I feel like a gynecologist trying to remove the organs from the turkey's hoo-ha."

When she finally stopped laughing, she walked me through the delicate operation. I pulled and pulled on that ugly flap of skin until it started to come out. It was the neck. Ew.

Once that was out I realized that the organs were not attached, and were much easier to remove from the large cavity. But they were disgusting. And I couldn't tell the liver from the heart(?) from whatever else was in there. I was regretting this mini T-day before I even started cooking.

In the end, the meal turned out okay, but I'm not sure that it was worth all the trouble. I now have tons of turkey left and I'm already sick of it. In typical ADD-fashion, the energy and enthusiasm burn out before the end is near. Thanksgiving turkey is no exception.

Plus, I can't stop picturing the neck and organs operation that I had to perform. Dinner this week is turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, and turkey Shepard's pie...and I am already so sick of turkey!

Oh, and that gross-ass pile of fresh turkey organs? Well, they served as a nice treat for the dogs last night. Rascal, being a greedy little bastard, likes to take his favorite foods out of his dish and eat them in private--in the living room. Guess what he ran into the living room with? Apparently, the little bastard loves organ meat.

Today, I'm thankful to be back at work. I love cooking, but I've had my fill for a while.

ADD Moments: It Runs in the Family

Last week I took a trip to Hawthorne Valley Farm to stock up on my raw milk and cheese, and the best yogurt ever. I brought my mom with me, hoping to get her interested in farm-fresh, real food. She was happy to come along and explore. Maybe a little too happy.

You see, I'm convinced my mother has undiagnosed ADD. There is no doubt in my mind that the ADD comes from her branch of the family tree. So when you put my mother in a new place with lots of interesting things to explore, you get classic ADD distractability. And her distracted wanderings throughout the store quickly turned into my distracted (and somewhat annoyed) shopping.

I tried to explain that while the farm store is small, there's a lot there, and I long ago created a route through the store that covered every nook. Stay with me, I told her, and I'll explain all the products and stuff as we go along.

No such luck.

She went right to the cheese, which is the last stop on my route, not the first. "Is this cheddar gonna be creamy? Cause I won't like it if it's not." I have no idea, Ma. Read the label.

Then she was onto the butter, which I have been raving about, while I attempted to load up my cart with the last yogurt tubs on the shelf. "Is this butter salted? Because I don't like unsalted." Yes, Mom. If it says "salted," then it's salted. "Well I hope so, because I don't like unsalted butter!"

Then, as I was scooping some brown rice into a bag, she ran ahead to the next aisle. "Ooh, this is the pet aisle!" Yes, Mom, would you just stay with me and then we can go to the pet aisle together? Nope. Instead, she ran back and forth, a new product in hand each time. "Have you ever bought these dog bones? What about these? What makes these bones better than regular bones? How much is this?"

This went on for about an hour. And let's not forget her random comments and questions as we shopped: "Do you really need that much yogurt? Some people I work with want to buy your book. Oh, by the way, did I tell you I'm going away next weekend? You know, if you're going to get that much yogurt, you should just get two more and get the bulk discount! Do they have bread here? I can't believe this is the only place in the whole state that sells this milk you like. I still don't understand why you need that much yogurt."

Now, I love my mother and we have a great relationship. Once out of the store, we actually had a nice time together...

...but if this is what I do to Erin, then no wonder she has an entire blog dedicated to venting about me.