Experiencing ADDvantages

Adults with ADD: Ditch Your New Year's Resolution

Season’s Greetings!

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, then you know that I’m not a fan of New Year’s Resolutions. You might be surprised to hear this from me, because I think my opinion differs from that of many other coaches. But as we approach 2010, I encourage you to forget about New Year’s Resolutions.

Have you already committed to going to the gym 3 times a week? Or to getting rid of all your clutter, or to never being late again? Maybe you committed to losing 20, 30, or 40 pounds?

Forget it.

That's right, forget your New Year's Resolutions! They don't work. Generally, people stick to their new behavior for 17 days before completely giving up. A drop in self-esteem always follows. You start telling yourself that it’s all your fault, you have no willpower, and you’ll never change.

Instead of making positive changes, you just end up beating yourself up. Again.

It’s not worth it! So why bother? There's a better way.

Instead of locking yourself into strict guidelines that you’ll eventually want to rebel against anyway, what if you resolved to focus on making improvements in one specific area that's important to you? I'm talking about creating a theme for the New Year.

When you have a theme in mind for yourself, you can continually focus on making improvements in that one area all year long. There are no rigid rules to follow, and no dents in self-esteem when you make a mistake--just a general commitment to remain focused on making improvements.

Taking it a step further, you can develop a simple question to use as your mantra throughout the year. This mantra will help you check in with yourself and ensure that you're focused on your theme.

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about. Feel free to use one of these for yourself in the New Year, or use the examples to help you create your own theme!

Theme: The Year of Self-care
Goal: To focus on taking really good care of myself, no matter what.
Mantra: Is what I am about to do in my BEST interest?

Theme: The Year of Time Management
Goal: To focus on improving my time management skills.
Mantra: Is this the BEST use of my time right now?

Theme: The Year of Declining Clutter
Goal: To focus on decreasing the clutter in my environment.
Mantra: Will this action (or purchase) DECREASE the clutter in life?

Theme: The Year of Better Health
Goal: To focus on making choices that will improve my general health and well being.
Mantra: Will this action lead to BETTER health or more happiness?

In all these examples, asking yourself a very simple 'yes or no' question will help you build awareness and make good decisions that are in line with your goals.

I've seen too many people damage their self-esteem by setting themselves up with unrealistic resolutions that they just couldn't follow through on. If you don't want to be one of them this year, consider ditching your New Year’s Resolution, and create a theme instead!

Would you like to share your theme for 2010? You can do so by leaving a comment below!

Delay Is Not Preferable to Error

Last week, I saw Thomas Jefferson's quote "Delay is preferable to error" running all around the Internet, and I had to cringe.

This "inspirational" quote is dangerous for adults with ADD, especially those who struggle with perfectionism. (And I haven't met a single adult with ADD who doesn't get stuck in perfectionist mode in at least one or two areas.) "Delay is preferable to error" could be adopted as a motto for perfectionists.

If you've ever coached with me, then you know that I can easily pick up on perfectionist tendencies, probably because I've struggled with them, myself, in the past (and still do in certain situations.) 

When I was going through my coach training, David Giwerc taught us, "Remember PPP!  Perfectionism Prevents Progress!" This really stuck with me, and I share it with clients often.

People mistakenly believe that perfectionists are, well...perfect. That their houses and offices are clean and sparkling, that everything is in its place, and that every project is right on schedule.

In reality, perfectionists often feel like failures. The mark of perfectionism is that nothing ever gets completed! There's always one more thing that could be made better. Nothing is good enough to be considered "done." And when all that unfinished business piles up, a perfectionist feels guilt and shame.

Three examples come to mind when I think about how adults with ADD can get stuck in thinking that delay is preferable to error:

1. Mindy, a former client and a grad student at an Ivy League University, failed a number of assignments because she didn't turn them in on time. They weren't incomplete, just not perfect. The thought of getting a B for a good job was not good enough. She preferred to get an F for a perfect, late paper than a B for an on time, imperfect paper. Her professors--and the university--disagreed. (I've found that many students--college age and adult--struggle with this form of perfectionism.)

2. Pete, also a former client, was frustrated by the outdated software programs in his office, so he created a software program that could be customized for sales people not just in his company, but in his entire industry. He delayed seeking out investors because he was constantly finding things to improve in his software program; it never felt finished. After tweaking the software for almost 2 years, someone else beat him to it with a similar program and made a small fortune.   

3. As I've been learning how to play guitar, I've been getting caught up in the idea that I need to learn how to do something exactly right before I learn how to do it quickly. Brett, my guitar teacher, has been trying to drill into my head the idea that timing is more important in music. If you get the timing right and miss a few notes, the vast majority of people won't even notice. But if you get the timing wrong, listeners will know it. Think about it: when's the last time you went to a concert and witnessed a musician say, "Wait, hold up, that wasn't right! Let me do it again."?? 

So if you happen to see Thomas Jefferson's "Delay is preferable to error" quote floating around the Internet, do yourself a favor and ignore it. No one's perfect.

The 4 Steps of Personal Change for Adults with ADD

First of all, I'd like to thank all of you who joined us for the 2nd Annual Virtual AD/HD Conference earlier this month! This year's conference was fun, educational, and inspiring, with over 500 people in attendance. So a big thanks to all of you for making it a fantastic event!

The conference inspired a lot of people to start making positive changes in their lives, and so today I'm going to talk about creating personal change when you have ADD.

I'll be the first to tell you that ADD offers many gifts. I've never met an adult with AD/HD who wasn't creative, compassionate, and driven, in one form or another. We hold in abundance many qualities that the rest of world sometimes seems to lack.

But while ADD has its upside, there is no denying that many of us often find ourselves out of sync with the rest of the world. Our time management skills are usually poor. Our abilities to prioritize and organize often need work. And a host of other challenges present themselves when an adult with ADD tries to thrive in a world full of non-ADDers.

Like everyone else, there are things about ourselves that we find we need to change. If it were easy to change old habits and thought patterns, there would be no need for therapists, coaches, or self-help books. Life would be simple. And it would be boring.

When positive, personal changes are made, like sharpening time management skills or adapting techniques for better focus, the result is a renewed sense of confidence and an increase in the options that are available to us. I've always thought of change as a 4-part process:

1. Education

It's information that inspires change. Becoming educated about ADD and the way it can affect adults is the first step to identifying changes that need to be made. This stage can last quite a long time before the next step is undertaken. Knowledge is like a seed, and the mind, all by itself, is a fertile garden.

2. Awareness

Self-awareness is key when making personal change. It's impossible to change that which we are not aware of. An adult with ADD must practice self-awareness in all areas of life to determine what's working, and what isn't. This is a time when one begins to realize that certain behaviors and actions have propelled you forward, and others have held you back.

3. Reframing

It's important to realize that every person always does the best they can. No one purposefully under-performs, under-achieves, or disappoints. When you give yourself enough credit to explore why you might do certain things the way you do, you can reframe your behaviors and actions with the understanding that they are there for a reason, and not because you are inadequate.

4. Action

The action step often happens on its own. When an adult with ADD gains knowledge, practices awareness, and realizes the positive reasons that change needs to take place, action will unconsciously follow.

Change is something that we will practice our entire lives. Real, lasting change takes time, and can't be rushed.

How have you created positive change in your life? Please share your thoughts in the comments!

Virtual AD/HD Conference News: Save $50

There's Just 1 Week Left to Register for the Virtual AD/HD Conference at the Current Rates. Register Now Before Fees Increase $50 on Monday September 28!

Sign Up Now at http://www.ADHDconference.com!

The Virtual AD/HD Conference Podcast Series continues today with a preview of the session "For ADDults Only: AD/HD and Sexuality" with Kate Kelly and Paul Ravenscraft.

This is one of those topics that many adults with AD/HD have questions about, but are afraid to ask. But Kate and Paul are going to break it down for us at the conference and explore this subject with honesty and compassion. It's going to be informative and fun!

Go to http://www.ADHDconference.com/podcasts.shtml to listen to or download a preview of this session, along with previews of 8 other Virtual AD/HD Conference sessions.

Are You Still Undecided About Attending the Virtual AD/HD Conference?

If you're still undecided about joining us for the Virtual AD/HD Conference, then consider this:

• The Virtual AD/HD Conference is the ONLY event that gives you access to 26 of the top AD/HD experts, plus hundreds of your peers, in the comfort of your own home or office.
• The Virtual AD/HD Conference is for everyone in the AD/HD community, including adults, parents, spouses/partners, and professionals. Get the information, tools, strategies, and resources that you and/or your family need to succeed.
• The Virtual AD/HD Conference provides easy and convenient opportunities for you to connect with your peers both during and after the event. Share your experiences, swap tips, and make new friends!
• The Virtual AD/HD Conference allows you to participate at your own pace. You can attend sessions live, or you can listen later. And you'll have access to the event website for 3 months after the conference, so you'll have plenty of time to download all the recordings and handouts and connect with your peers.
• The Virtual AD/HD Conference provides all the benefits of attending a physical conference with none of the hassles. No planes, no hotels, no babysitters—no travel costs!

If you decide to join us, now is the time to register! Fees increase $50 on Monday September 28, so don't delay. Register at http://www.ADHDconference.com.

Hope to see you there!

P.S. Please don't forget that registration fees will increase on September 28, so don't wait to sign up! Join us at http://www.ADHDconference.com!

10 Benefits of Having Attention Deficit Disorder

There is a common misconception in the world that having ADD is a bad thing. While the ADD-wired brain certainly presents some challenges, it also offers some incredible benefits.

I thought this would be a great time to offer a reminder about how being different can be an advantage! The following is a list of characteristics that I consistently see in my clients, friends, and colleagues with ADD.

1. Compassion. People with ADD have a tremendous power to connect with other people. But it goes a step further than that. We also have an advanced ability to empathize with others, and to see many different perspectives.

TV personality Ty Pennington, host of TV's Extreme Home Makeover, has ADD.

2. Creativity. I've never met an ADDer who wasn't creative! Writers, painters, musicians, film makers, designers, sculptors, comedians - the list goes on! Artistic talents are abundant.

Musician Justin Timberlake has ADD.

3. Drive. When an ADDer is bored with a task, completing it can seem like torture. But give an ADDer an interesting project to work on and watch out! When we want to succeed, and we have the necessary tools to do so, there is no stopping us!

Olympic Gold Medalist and record-breaker Michael Phelps has ADD.

4. Problem Solving Ability. ADDers thrive on solving problems and puzzles. Give us an interesting problem to solve and we won't be able to drop it until we've found the solution!

Important historical inventors such as Thomas Edison is believed to have had ADD.

5. Hyper-Focus. The ability to hyper-focus is something that we ADDers can use to our advantage. When kept under control and directed towards productive tasks, like accomplishing goals and living dreams, it can be an incredible asset that allows us to get the job done, and done well!

David Neeleman, Founder and former CEO of Jet Blue Airways, has ADD.

6. Sense of Humor/Comedic Flair. Most ADDers love to laugh, and many also have a knack for making others laugh!

Famous comedian Howie Mandel has ADD.

7. Resiliency. There's no denying that even though there are many great qualities that come along with ADD, there are also challenges. But ADDers have an incredible ability to bounce back from those challenges.

Chef and Food Network star Tyler Florence has ADD.

8. Intuition. ADDers have a sharp sense of intuition. This may be due to highly tuned levels of perception, or great insight into the human mind, or something else that we have yet to understand. Whatever the reason, it's a very useful gift!

9. Idea Generating. ADDers are wonderful idea generators. We don't usually like to be bothered with details, but we can come up with ideas at lightning speed! We're a true asset in brainstorming meetings!

Entrepreneur Richard Branson of the Virgin empire has ADD.

10. That "Special Something". Many ADDers feel that they have a unique way of looking at the world, a perspective that others just don't understand. That is, until the ADDer meets other people with ADD! You might say that we're on our own wavelength!

And hey, ladies, let's see if we can't represent better! I know there are tons of famous women with ADD out there, and I'll be sure to keep you all posted when they start going public with their stories! :-)

Can you think of more benefits to having ADD? Do you know of any other famous people with ADD? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

Adults with ADD: Doing Projects the Hard Way

You want to get your (actual) butt in shape? Try loading a wheelbarrow with 100 lbs and then pushing it up a steep hill. Then do it a few more times, and repeat the following day.

This is what I did over the weekend, as I tried to create a planting bed around my house. It turns out that I am an absolute expert when it comes to gardening the hard way.

The last time I worked on the landscape, I planted a few shrubs and thought that I could easily dig up the ground. WRONG. Digging up our compacted, rocky soil turned out to be a lot of hard work. I remember my arms and shoulders being sore for days afterward. I vowed to do it "the easy way" next time.

So when I read an article about making a "lazy bed," I was on board. The technique involves laying down newspaper and then covering it with soil, compost, and mulch. Then you wait a few months while the newspaper decomposes and the compost loosens up the ground below. By the end of the season, your bed is ready for planting. Sounds easy, right? Once again, WRONG.

Perhaps I should have considered:

• Trying this technique with a smaller bed
• The constant wind we get because we live on a big hill (keeping the newspapers from blowing away before I could cover them was harder than I thought)
• The hours and hours and hours that would be involved from start to finish
• Ten or so wheelbarrow trips would--literally--bust my butt! (I was so sore!!)

I did, eventually, complete my project. But it certainly wasn't the easy route.

As a fellow ADDer, you're probably all too familiar with situations like mine. You get a great idea, dive in, and then find that your idea will require more time, energy, and resources than you thought it would.

The options you're left with are 1) quit 2) burn yourself out to finish or 3) make a plan to finish over time. (The third option is often the hardest for adults with ADD.) And no matter which option you choose, the most important thing you can do is to learn from your mistakes.

It's tempting to get down on yourself after experiences like these. Despite your best intentions and careful planning, "the easy way" can turn out to be very difficult. And while this may feel like failure, it's really just a learning experience.

It doesn't matter how hard your project turns out to be. It doesn't matter how many ways you miscalculated your plans. If you're open to learning, then you can't fail.

Each mistake you make brings you one step closer to a solution. Sometimes, you have to make a lot of mistakes to get to where you want to go. But if you're willing to learn from your mistakes, then you'll always be moving forward.

So the next time your "easy" project turns out to be harder than you thought, DON'T beat yourself up about it. Just take a trial-and-error approach. I guarantee you'll be much more successful!

As for me and my landscaping projects, I now know that digging doesn't work, and lazy beds are anything but lazy. I think it's time to rent a rototiller.

What projects have you been doing the hard way?
Share your thoughts in the comments field!

ADD Management Video Blog: What You Can't Do

When I debuted the ADD Management Video Blog a few weeks ago, I got overwhelmingly positive feedback from ADD Management Guide readers. Many of you said that you felt the personal message reached you in a way that written words cannot. So I guess I'll just have to keep doing them! :-)

The latest video explores the concept of "what you can't do." Once again, it features a special appearance by Trixie the Puppy - and this time she stays in the shot for the whole video!

Watch the video here:

NOTE: If you can't see the video on your screen, click here to watch it on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6ArULOYui0!

I'd love to know what you think about this video, and to hear about the topics you'd like me to explore in future videos! Please post your feedbackin the comments field below.

ADD Management Video Blog: Being Different

Welcome to the very first episode of the ADD Management Video Blog!

Please feel free to tell me what you think about it in the comments field below!

Adults with AD/HD: Are You Trying to Take on Too Much at Once?

Lately it seems that many of my clients are struggling with a form of ADD impulsiveness that we're all familiar with: wanting to make a positive change in life, and expecting it to happen instantly.

As a result, I'm seeing people who are taking on too much at once, and then getting down on themselves for not being able to continue the actions and sustain the results. In a sense, they are setting themselves up to fail.

Maybe you have--or currently are--experiencing something similar?

Adults with ADD run into this problem all the time, in lots of situations. It's the nature of ADD: new ideas and goals seem fun and interesting, so you jump into one head first, only to find that your interest wanes and the goal gets abandoned. Bad feelings usually follow.

The problem isn't the goal, however, and it isn't you, either! It's more likely that you're just trying to take on too much at once.

One of the hardest things for an adult with ADD to learn is that change takes time. We decide on a change that we want to make, and then expect that the decision alone will ensure success. Unfortunately, this just isn't true.

Real change doesn't happen quickly. It happens piece by piece, and it comes in levels of success. If you try to rush the process, overwhelm can easily set in, at which point it just becomes too difficult to stick to your plans. Some common experiences among adults with ADD include:

Trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle, only to find yourself back on the couch a few days later, overindulging in pizza and ice cream.

Becoming so engaged in a new hobby that you enjoy it every day for hours at a time, only to forget all about it in a week.

Cleaning out a closet to near perfection, only to find yourself throwing stuff in there and messing it up again just a few days later.

When this happens, you end up feeling bad about yourself, and asking questions like "What is wrong with me? Why can't I just get it together?"

The answer is simple: there is nothing wrong with you! You just tried to take on too much at once.

Change is much more sustainable when you adopt it piece by piece. So instead of jumping in head first, you take a more balanced approach:

You focus on drinking more water during the day. And when that is no longer a challenge, you work on making exercise a regular habit.

When you become interested in a new hobby, you sign up for a weekly class to ensure that you stick with it.

You first clear the clutter out of your closet. Then you create organizational systems. Then you create structure to ensure follow-through.

This slow-and-steady-wins-the-race approach is an unfamiliar concept for many adults with ADD. But it works!

The key is to identify layers (or steps) of the main goal that you can apply one at a time. You work on achieving a small success, and then build on it with another small success when you're ready.

The results aren't always quick, but when positive changes are implemented slowly, they have a much better chance of sticking.

I hope this has been a helpful reminder! And if you have thoughts on this subject, please do share them in the comments field below.

Want to Make a Change? Create a Personal Theme for 2009

In the last issue of the ADD Management Guide, I encouraged everyone to avoid making New Year's Resolutions. Generally, people commit to their new behavior for 17 days before completely giving up. A knock in self-esteem always follows. So why bother?

Instead, I suggested an exercise in reflection to increase awareness of your challenges and successes in the previous year, and to identify some positive intentions for 2009. Now it's time to take that notion a step further.

What if, instead of locking yourself into a rigid set of rules, you resolved to focus on a specific area that's important to you? I'm talking about creating a theme for the New Year.

When you have a theme in mind for yourself, you can continually focus on making improvements in one area all year long. There are no rules and no dents in self-esteem, just a general commitment to remain focused on making improvements in a specific area of your life.

To aid you in this endeavor, you can create a question that you use to check in with yourself on a regular basis.

Here are some examples:

Theme: The Year of the Authentic Self
Goal: To focus on being yourself with no anxiety or apologies, to express yourself fully and develop better self-esteem.
Question: Will this statement/action reveal my authentic self?

Theme: The Year of Better Health
Goal: To focus on making choices that will improve general health and well being.
Question: Will this action lead to better health?

Theme: The Year of Diminished Debt
Goal: To focus on eliminating debt.
Question: Will this action/purchase decrease my debt?

In all these examples, asking yourself a very simple 'yes or no' question will help you build awareness and make good decisions based on what you want to be doing.

My theme for 2009 is "The Year of Speaking the Truth." This is actually an exercise in boundaries for me. It's about being unapologetic for the choices that I make. It's also about being honest with myself about how I feel. The question I'll be asking myself is "Am I honoring/speaking my truth?"

In the past few years, I've found that creating a theme for my year is much more effective than simply making resolutions. It requires more mental attention, but it produces much greater (and more fulfilling) results in the long haul.

And I've seen too many clients, colleagues, and friends damage their self-esteem by setting themselves up with unrealistic resolutions that they just couldn't follow through on. So if you don't want to be one of them this year, then consider implementing a personal theme for 2009.

Got a theme for the New Year? Please share it with us in the comments! And feel free to share any other thoughts you have on this topic, too.