Experiencing ADDvantages

Adults with ADD: Are You Overcomplicating Things?

Do you ever get the feeling that you're overcomplicating things?

There are certainly many important decisions in life that need careful consideration. But people with ADD tend to get stuck "carefully considering" even the smallest decisions, like where to keep a new item that you bought, how to spend your day off, or what to order in a restaurant. I'm guilty of that one! Okay, I'm guilty of all of them! ;-)

We can easily over think the simplest of tasks, making them more complicated (and more stressful) than they need to be.

Here's a real-life example:

Donna is a former client who used to refer to herself as "The Queen on Complicated." One day, when she was sorting through the mail, she discovered a bill for routine lab work that should have been covered by her insurance.

Donna immediately became anxious. She was fairly certain that her insurance company was supposed to cover the lab work. But what if they didn't?

She knew that the best thing to do would be to call the company that sent the bill. But Donna put off calling them because she was afraid that they would tell her the lab work wasn't covered and she owed $210...

...which would lead to an uncomfortable conversation with her husband about why she didn't make sure the tests were covered before she agreed to them...

...which would lead to a problem paying the bill on time, because her credit card bill was already a little too high this month...

...which would lead to cutting out some other things, like the benefit dinner for breast cancer research (a cause that is near and dear to Donna) that she was really looking forward to...

But--and here's the important part--the situations she was anticipating were really just nervous guesses and assumptions. 

Rather than looking at the task as simply one step (making a phone call) she saw it as an overwhelming process because she was afraid that the ultimate outcome would be less than desirable.

When Donna finally stopped agonizing and made the phone call, she found out that the lab was simply missing some of her insurance information and just needed her social security number to process the claim.

All that stress for nothing! Donna spent days over thinking and overcomplicating the situation. Can you relate?

It doesn't have to be so hard!

Solutions to problems like Donna's are really just a series of steps and decisions. Step one is to make the phone call and get the facts.

Over thinking these types of situations always leads to overwhelm, procrastination, and stress. So don't do it! 

Simplify your thoughts to simplify your steps.

Do you overcomplicate the simple things? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

Free Teleclass on Self-care for Parents and Adults with AD/HD

If you're an adult with AD/HD or the parent of a child with AD/HD, then you'll want to join me at the FREE ADHD Family Summit tonight!

Dr. Rory Stern will be hosting this free call tonight at 9pm EDT in which I'll be presenting a talk titled Put On Your Oxygen Mask First - Self-care Strategies For ADHD Adults And Parents.

Some of the points I'll be covering tonight include:

• Why self-care is a challenge in most AD/HD families
• How taking good care of yourself will help you take better care of those around you
• Simple self-care strategies that you can apply to your life immediately

The ADHD Family Summit includes 12 AD/HD experts and is free when you attend live.

If you'd like to join us, you can register here.

"See" you on the call tonight!

Upcoming ADHD Events

You can find me at the following upcoming events on ADD!

---> ADHD Coach Talk

 Wednesday April 29 at 12pm EST

Tara McGillicuddy of ADDclasses.com will be interviewing Jennifer Koretsky, author of "Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD," about Adult ADHD and Time Management.

This event is free to attend! Visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ADD-ADHD-Coaching

---> Time Management Masters Seminar

Begins May 5th at 8pm EST and runs 4 consecutive weeks

Author and Senior Certified AD/HD Coach Jennifer Koretsky leads this 4-week, virtual seminar designed specifically for adults with ADD who are ready and willing to create a practical--and permanent--time management system.

Visit http://www.ADDmanagement.com

---> ADHD Family Summit

Wednesday May 20 at 9pm EST

Rory Stern will be interviewing Jennifer Koretsky about Self-care Strategies For ADHD Adults And Parents.

This event features a full lineup of AD/HD experts and is free to attend! Visit http://www.ADHDfamilyonline.com.

Video Interview: Overcoming Chronic ADD Overwhelm

Have you heard of ADHD.tv? It's a video podcast for all things ADD and ADHD, and it's run by my friend and colleague Dr. Kenny Handelman.

I ran into Dr. Kenny at the ADDA conference last year, where he interviewed me about the my conference presentation on "Overcoming the Chronic Overwhelm Associated with Adult ADD."

The interview is loaded with valuable information and practical tips, taken directly from my standing-room-only presentation at the conference.

Check out the video interview here. And don't forget to subscribe to the ADHD.tv video podcast while you're there!

STOP: Mindfulness Meditation for Adult ADD

Mindfulness meditation is a powerful tool for managing adult ADD. Mindfulness is all about being (and staying) calm, centered, and in the present moment. This practice can go a long way towards fighting stress and overwhelm.

Unlike other forms of meditation, mindfulness doesn't require sitting still for long periods of time, although it certainly is ONE way to practice. Because mindfulness is about being aware in the present moment, mindfulness can be formally practiced while walking, eating, cleaning, or even working.

It's also very helpful to craft an informal mindfulness practice that you use as a tool during times of stress. Mindfulness can be cultivated any time and anywhere by simply bringing awareness to your breath, your body, and your thoughts...without judgment.

When cultivating a mindfulness practice, simply STOP:   

        Slow down.
        Take a few deep breaths.
        Observe yourself without judgment.
        Proceed in the present moment.

Mindfulness meditation has been an invaluable tool for me and for many of my clients, and I highly encourage all adults with ADD to give it a try! Thirty minutes, fifteen minutes, or even five minutes of daily mindfulness will have a positive and calming ripple effect on the rest of your day.

And if you'd like to read more about mindfulness, then I highly recommend the books The Miracle of Mindfulness and Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh.

3 Tips for Restful Sleep

Here's an interesting article on New Scientist titled Are bad sleeping habits driving us mad?

The article suggests that a lack of sleep may actually cause the symptoms of mental illness, whereas the medical world has previously believed the opposite--that lack of sleep is a symptom of mental illnesses.

I fully believe that one of the best things we can do to manage adult ADD is to make sleep a priority. Even one night of poor sleep will result in increased ADD challenges. It's like trying to use a cell phone that hasn't been charged--it works for a little while, but it will eventually shut down.

As you can imagine, a person who consistently lacks restful sleep will have considerable difficulty managing ADD long term.

Here are my top 3 tips for getting a good night's sleep:

1. Shut down the computer 1-2 hours before bed.
2. Take 30 minutes to unwind and de-stress each and every day.
3. Establish a bedtime routine to signal your brain & body that it's time to shut down.

What's YOUR best tip for ensuring a good night's sleep?

Adults with AD/HD: Are You Trying to Take on Too Much at Once?

Lately it seems that many of my clients are struggling with a form of ADD impulsiveness that we're all familiar with: wanting to make a positive change in life, and expecting it to happen instantly.

As a result, I'm seeing people who are taking on too much at once, and then getting down on themselves for not being able to continue the actions and sustain the results. In a sense, they are setting themselves up to fail.

Maybe you have--or currently are--experiencing something similar?

Adults with ADD run into this problem all the time, in lots of situations. It's the nature of ADD: new ideas and goals seem fun and interesting, so you jump into one head first, only to find that your interest wanes and the goal gets abandoned. Bad feelings usually follow.

The problem isn't the goal, however, and it isn't you, either! It's more likely that you're just trying to take on too much at once.

One of the hardest things for an adult with ADD to learn is that change takes time. We decide on a change that we want to make, and then expect that the decision alone will ensure success. Unfortunately, this just isn't true.

Real change doesn't happen quickly. It happens piece by piece, and it comes in levels of success. If you try to rush the process, overwhelm can easily set in, at which point it just becomes too difficult to stick to your plans. Some common experiences among adults with ADD include:

Trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle, only to find yourself back on the couch a few days later, overindulging in pizza and ice cream.

Becoming so engaged in a new hobby that you enjoy it every day for hours at a time, only to forget all about it in a week.

Cleaning out a closet to near perfection, only to find yourself throwing stuff in there and messing it up again just a few days later.

When this happens, you end up feeling bad about yourself, and asking questions like "What is wrong with me? Why can't I just get it together?"

The answer is simple: there is nothing wrong with you! You just tried to take on too much at once.

Change is much more sustainable when you adopt it piece by piece. So instead of jumping in head first, you take a more balanced approach:

You focus on drinking more water during the day. And when that is no longer a challenge, you work on making exercise a regular habit.

When you become interested in a new hobby, you sign up for a weekly class to ensure that you stick with it.

You first clear the clutter out of your closet. Then you create organizational systems. Then you create structure to ensure follow-through.

This slow-and-steady-wins-the-race approach is an unfamiliar concept for many adults with ADD. But it works!

The key is to identify layers (or steps) of the main goal that you can apply one at a time. You work on achieving a small success, and then build on it with another small success when you're ready.

The results aren't always quick, but when positive changes are implemented slowly, they have a much better chance of sticking.

I hope this has been a helpful reminder! And if you have thoughts on this subject, please do share them in the comments field below.

Want to Make a Change? Create a Personal Theme for 2009

In the last issue of the ADD Management Guide, I encouraged everyone to avoid making New Year's Resolutions. Generally, people commit to their new behavior for 17 days before completely giving up. A knock in self-esteem always follows. So why bother?

Instead, I suggested an exercise in reflection to increase awareness of your challenges and successes in the previous year, and to identify some positive intentions for 2009. Now it's time to take that notion a step further.

What if, instead of locking yourself into a rigid set of rules, you resolved to focus on a specific area that's important to you? I'm talking about creating a theme for the New Year.

When you have a theme in mind for yourself, you can continually focus on making improvements in one area all year long. There are no rules and no dents in self-esteem, just a general commitment to remain focused on making improvements in a specific area of your life.

To aid you in this endeavor, you can create a question that you use to check in with yourself on a regular basis.

Here are some examples:

Theme: The Year of the Authentic Self
Goal: To focus on being yourself with no anxiety or apologies, to express yourself fully and develop better self-esteem.
Question: Will this statement/action reveal my authentic self?

Theme: The Year of Better Health
Goal: To focus on making choices that will improve general health and well being.
Question: Will this action lead to better health?

Theme: The Year of Diminished Debt
Goal: To focus on eliminating debt.
Question: Will this action/purchase decrease my debt?

In all these examples, asking yourself a very simple 'yes or no' question will help you build awareness and make good decisions based on what you want to be doing.

My theme for 2009 is "The Year of Speaking the Truth." This is actually an exercise in boundaries for me. It's about being unapologetic for the choices that I make. It's also about being honest with myself about how I feel. The question I'll be asking myself is "Am I honoring/speaking my truth?"

In the past few years, I've found that creating a theme for my year is much more effective than simply making resolutions. It requires more mental attention, but it produces much greater (and more fulfilling) results in the long haul.

And I've seen too many clients, colleagues, and friends damage their self-esteem by setting themselves up with unrealistic resolutions that they just couldn't follow through on. So if you don't want to be one of them this year, then consider implementing a personal theme for 2009.

Got a theme for the New Year? Please share it with us in the comments! And feel free to share any other thoughts you have on this topic, too.

Top 5 Ways to Have a Happy Thanksgiving for Adults with ADD

Well, the holiday season is officially upon us! And for some adults with ADD, this is the most stressful time of year. Here are a few practical tips for managing your ADD this Thanksgiving (or any holiday.)

1. Know Your Own ADD and Plan Ahead to Deal with It

You know yourself better than anyone, so ask yourself "How does my ADD affect me on the holidays?" Make a list of all the things that tend to stress you out, and make a plan to deal with them.

Here are a few examples:

Do you tend to say impulsive things that you later regret? Plan to take a deep breath before answering ANY questions so that you can think about your words before you speak them.

Do hyper kids or too many people overwhelm you? Plan to excuse yourself and take a brief walk when things start feeling chaotic.

Does a family member really make you mad when s/he starts nagging or becomes critical? Plan a simple response that won't fuel the fire, like "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'd rather talk about a great book I'm reading right now."

Do you get antsy after a long day? Plan to end the day early, so that you don't reach the point of irritability.

2. Don't Expect Perfection

Accept that the day won't be perfect. Nothing is! Whether you're hosting the holiday, staying with family, or visiting a restaurant, realize that something is bound to go wrong. That's life. Don't hold it against yourself, or the people around you. Whatever it is, do your best to move on and let it go.

3. Ask For Help/Accept Help

Whatever your role is this holiday, you don't have to do it all on your own. If you're hosting the holiday, ask for help in the kitchen. This is perfectly acceptable, and most people are happy to help out where they can. If you're offered help, accept it with gratitude!

4. Remember That People Do The Best They Can

Long days with family members often end in frustration and hurt feelings. Try to remember that people do the best they can with the skills and tools they have. Hurtful comments probably aren't meant to be hurtful. Don't hold it against friends and family members who may not have the necessary skills to express themselves effectively.

5. Smile!

Set the tone for those around you by being positive, smiling often, and enjoying yourself!

Thanksgiving is only a few days away. Take some time now to prepare yourself NOW so that you don't get overwhelmed later!

           

Have thoughts on this article? Want to share some of your own tips on ADD management during the holidays? Share your thoughts in the comments field!

5 Ways to Mismanage Your Time

It's no secret that time management is one of the biggest challenges for adults with ADD. And it's easy to see why! Our attention inconsistencies, distracted nature, and tendency towards stress and frustration can lead us into time-and-task-overwhelm on a daily basis!

But despite what you may have heard, there actually are ADD-friendly techniques for time management, and it is absolutely possible to have ADD and manage your time effectively!

It's important, however, to avoid some common time management pitfalls.

Here are the top 5 mistakes that I see ADDers making when it comes to time management:

1. Not using a to-do list. Your to-do list is your friend! This essential time management tool takes the pressure off by helping you keep track of your responsibilities and goals. Without it, you're forced to hold all your tasks and to-dos in your head, which can easily lead to mental overload.

Your to-do list can be contained in a notebook, a smartphone, a word processing document, or whatever works for you.

2. Refusing to plan ahead. ADDers can be really spontaneous. This quality can add a great deal of fun to a party, but it's not as appealing when it comes to time management. Trying to manage your time on the fly is sure to result in procrastination, missed deadlines, and even forgotten promises.

Planning ahead to manage your tasks and to-dos allows you to create structure and get things done.

3. Trying to do too much in the day (and week, month, year.) Adults with ADD often have unrealistic expectations about what they can accomplish in a given time period. Setting yourself up with unrealistic goals is setting yourself up for failure. (Not to mention guilt, low self-esteem, and burnout!)

Instead, spend some time observing how much time it actually takes you to do certain things.

4. Being a perfectionist. Contrary to what you might think, perfectionists leave many tasks and projects unfinished. When you're stuck in perfectionism, nothing gets done because it never seems good enough!

ADDers who lean towards perfectionism can determine in advance what will constitute a "good job" and stick to those guidelines.

5. Speeding up instead of slowing down. We often respond to stress by kicking into high gear and performing under intense pressure. But this is a sure-fire way to burn out.

In all aspects of life, we work much more efficiently and effectively when we are calm and centered--not frantic and stressed.

Are you making these time management mistakes and suffering the consequences? Tell us about it in the comments!