A couple of weeks ago I published a newsletter and blog post titled A Personal Note from Jen in which I began to tell the story of my (continuing) journey toward health and wellness. I promised that I would talk about the different elements in that journey on this blog, and so I begin with this post.
Before diving into my personal story, I want to first explore what "being healthy" means to me. For starters, being healthy is not something that can be defined by someone or something else.
Health is not about an "all clear" at my yearly physical.
Health is not about being "in range" on blood or other lab tests.
Health is not about a revolving (and evolving) schedule of medications.
Health is not about a number on the scale or a size on the tag.
Health is not about feeling "okay."
Quite simply, health is about feeling I'm at my best--just about all the time. It's about being able to do what I want without limitations. It's not about feeling good, it's about feeling great! And I firmly believe that if you don't feel great the majority of the time, then you're not healthy.
I felt unhealthy at many points in my life. Specifically focusing on my life as an adult:
I felt unhealthy when I was in my early 20s, fresh out of school and new to the corporate world, and I simply couldn't handle all the stress without burning out
I felt unhealthy in my mid 20s when I started to feel powerless over PMS
I felt unhealthy when I started to gain weight in my late 20s--more than just the few "extra pounds" that I carried most of my life
I felt unhealthy when I was in my early 30s and I couldn't lose that extra weight--no matter what I did right
And I felt unhealthy when, beginning last year, I felt like I lost all my energy and motivation
During these times, my blood tests and other labs were fine. My doctors and other health care providers couldn't pinpoint a problem. They told me to eat this, or don'teat that. They told me to take this pill, or don't take that pill. Exercise more, exercise less, exercise differently. Sleep more, sleep less, get more sun, stay out of the sun...aaargh! Everyone had advice. No one had answers.
And all I knew was that I didn't feel well. I didn't feel like myself. And that's really what health and wellness is all about to me: feeling like myself. Sure, my metabolism might slow down as I age. And no, I can't really stay up all night like I used to be able to. But despite getting older, I still want to feel like myself. And I don't feel like myself when I'm chronically stressed, overly emotional, unable to lose weight, or tired all the time.
In my quest to feel like myself again, I've seen many different professionals, taken many different pills, and tried many different strategies. I'm going to highlight some of the more important ones in the coming months. Some things will be related to ADD, and some things won't. But I do think that the topics will be of interest to a lot of people, especially because I'll be sharing my lessons learned.
Now, I have just one favor to ask of you and everyone who is reading: please don't try to "diagnose" me. Yes, I know it sounds a lot like a thyroid problem. It sounds a lot like a different problem to a lot of different people. And yes, I know that you're only trying to help. But I ask you to please understand that there are many more pieces of this puzzle that I haven't revealed (yet). There are hopefully some solutions, too.
As I share elements of my health and wellness story, I would absolutely love for you to share elements of your story.I welcome you to comment on these posts with your own personal experiences. While I'm not able to respond to every comment, I guarantee that I will personally read every comment!
And in particular for this post, I'd like to know how you define "being healthy." Please share your thoughts, and anything else that feels right, in the comments field below.
Thanks for being a part of this journey with me. I think this transparent discussion of health and wellness is going to lead to some really cool things...I just don't know what they are yet. ;-)
It's been about 2 and a half years since my book Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD was published, and it's time for me to get going on my next writing project. The trouble is, I don't know what to write about!
I've been thinking about starting work on a new book this year, and I have yet to get that feeling in my gut that says "THIS is what you need to write about!"
Some of the ideas I've tossed around are:
Time management (for ADDers? for everyone?)
Advanced ADD management
Health and ADD
Health and __________?
Living out loud (self-acceptance, goal setting and follow through, etc.)
Mavericks in business
Teen vampire fiction. Why not? Everyone else is making big bucks in this genre! ;-)
Something else that's not on my radar at this point?
Is there anything in particular that you'd like to see me write about? All feedback will be considered!
I have a confession to make. I’ve had a number of health issues in the last couple of years, and I’ve been keeping quiet about them. But all that’s changing.
Now before you start worrying about me, let me just come right out and tell you that my health concerns are not life-threatening. I don’t have cancer, I don’t need an organ transplant, and I’m not in the hospital! Nonetheless, I’ve been miserable. And I have a hunch that many of you will be able to relate.
And before you read too far, I just want to warn you that this note is me unbridled. I’m holding nothing back. You may encounter a swear word or two, and I hope that doesn’t offend you.
So here's the deal: I’ve felt awful for the last 3 years. I’ve been overly fatigued, gained weight that I couldn’t lose, and suffered with hormonal mood swings. And every so often, a new symptom would pop up and add itself to the mix, despite my best efforts to stay healthy. Things just got worse and worse.
Then, about a year ago, we unexpectedly lost our beloved dog Punky to cancer. Now I know that many people think that dogs are just pets, but my Punky meant the world to me. When she died, I felt like my internal motor burned out and grinded to a halt. And my health only got worse from there. There is no other way to describe to you how I’ve felt in the last year other than to say that I’ve felt like shit!
I’ve been to countless doctors and health professionals in the last 3 years, including a number of internal medicine doctors, gynecologists, psychiatrists, an endocrinologist, a dermatologist, a psychotherapist, and a dietitian. (And I’m sure there are a few I’m forgetting.)
To each doctor, I explained my symptoms, and recounted my efforts to address them. Good nutrition, lots of rest (even though I have a lot of trouble sleeping), and plenty of exercise. I would stress that despite my best efforts, I just haven’t felt like myself in years.
Now, I saw a few well-meaning doctors, and I saw a few idiots (and I mean idiots!) My favorite was the endocrinologist who reviewed my daily food intake, decided that I was lying to him and that I must be eating more than I said, and insisted that an appetite suppressant was the key to all my problems. I still want to scream when I think about that jerk!
And even the doctors I liked weren’t very helpful. Each one disagreed with the others, and each doctor thought that treating my symptoms was the answer. No one listened—or rather, no one understood—when I told them that I wanted to find the cause of all these symptoms!
I’ve since learned that most doctors today aren’t trained to treat the whole person, they’re trained to treat symptoms. It’s a band-aid approach.
I was tired of the band-aids. I wanted to get to the root of my problems so that I could feel like myself again and get on with my life!
Now before things get too gloomy, there is some good news in this story. First, I may have finally found the cause of my health concerns! I was just about to give up on doctors completely when I found one who was able to look at the big picture and locate the source of my problems. It’s a little premature to say that I’ve been cured, but I’ve embarked on a new course and it seems to be making a big difference. When the time is right, I promise that I will share all the details.
Second, I’ve learned that I just can’t be so reliant on doctors and other professionals when it comes to my health. If I didn’t listen to my instincts and take action on my own, I’d probably be more miserable now than ever before. I know now that while having a good doctor on my side is important, I’m the one who really holds the power. I know I have a long road to healing ahead of me, but I’m ready for it! And I’ll be talking a lot more about this stuff on my blog in the coming months.
Third, and maybe most importantly, I’ve been inspired by my own health crisis to reach out to people who are facing the same challenge.
You know that I coach adults with ADD. But what you probably don’t know is that about 95% of those clients are dealing with health concerns over and above ADD. Obesity and inability to lose weight, fibromyalgia, lupus, chronic fatigue, migraines, insomnia, infertility, depression, and debilitating anxiety are just a few of the conditions that readily come to mind. So I know for a fact that I’m not the only one who’s been going through life—working, raising a family, trying to be happy—all the while feeling like shit!
It’s all of this—my own health concerns, my clients’ struggles, and my new knowledge—that led me to put together the Holistic Health Virtual Conference.
In the last year, I’ve become just as passionate about holistic health and wellness as I am about ADD. I’ve seen too many people suffering with not just their ADD, but a cascade of other health problems. I also have a sneaking suspicion that it’s all related, and the connections between general health and ADD are ones that I will definitely be exploring in the coming months.
For now, I’ve gone out of my way (and perhaps worked a little harder than I should have in my current state) to put together a stellar online event that introduces holistic health to people who are struggling to figure out the causes of their illnesses and move on with their lives.
The Holistic Health Virtual Conference speakers are experts on their topics who aren’t afraid to buck the establishment. They understand that health is about more than band-aids. They understand that health and wellness means paying attention to the whole person, and not just the person’s symptoms.
And even more importantly, each and every one of the Holistic Health Virtual Conference speakers is “in the trenches,” working to educate the public and make a positive difference in the lives of their patients and clients.
Just take a look at the Holistic Health Virtual Conference presenters, and you’ll see what I mean:
Dr. Charles Parker (one of my favorite presenters from the Virtual AD/HD Conference) will talk to us about causes of and treatments for psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety, and ADD in the context of your overall health
Shane Ellison will share his experience as a former big pharma chemist, and offer natural alternatives for curing and preventing cancer
Dr. Steven Hotze will share some comprehensive and really powerful information on hormonal imbalances in men and women—from thyroid disorders to estrogen dominance
Ann Louise Gittleman will be teaching us detox strategies for weight loss and improved health
Dr. Rodger Murphree will be educating us about the medical myths of heart disease
Nancy Desjardins will be telling us how to live better by beating sugar and food cravings
Dr. Michael Holick is one of the world’s leading authorities on Vitamin D, and he’ll be sharing some surprising benefits of Vitamin D when it comes to treating autoimmune diseases and chronic illnesses
Kelley Herring will educate us on the hidden dangers in our food that can lead to infertility, birth defects, and cancer
Dr. Daniel Amen (a favorite in the ADD community) is our Keynote Speaker and he’ll discuss the connection between our brains and bodies when it comes to losing weight
And I’ll be addressing the topic of stress management, which I think is one of the most important wellness factors no matter who you are or what health concerns you’re dealing with
These are the people and the information that I wish someone put in front of me 3 years ago! But if you know me, then you know I’m not a complainer. I’d rather make a difference and help others in the way I wish someone could have helped me.
If you can relate to my story and you can’t seem to get your own health on track, then you’re one of the people who I had in mind when I put this event together.
Remember, this is an online event, so you don’t need to travel, and you don’t even need to attend the live sessions because downloads will be availableto everyone who registers. And, of course, there will be ample opportunity to connect with others who are also struggling with health concerns and learning how to take charge of their own health.
I’ve made the whole process as easy as possible to ensure that the people who need this information are able to take advantage of it. If this sounds like you, then please do join us next week!
Last week, I saw Thomas Jefferson's quote "Delay is preferable to error" running all around the Internet, and I had to cringe.
This "inspirational" quote is dangerous for adults with ADD, especially those who struggle with perfectionism. (And I haven't met a single adult with ADD who doesn't get stuck in perfectionist mode in at least one or two areas.) "Delay is preferable to error" could be adopted as a motto for perfectionists.
If you've ever coached with me, then you know that I can easily pick up on perfectionist tendencies, probably because I've struggled with them, myself, in the past (and still do in certain situations.)
When I was going through my coach training, David Giwerc taught us,
"Remember PPP! Perfectionism Prevents Progress!" This really stuck
with me, and I share it with clients often.
People mistakenly believe that perfectionists are, well...perfect.
That their houses and offices are clean and sparkling, that everything
is in its place, and that every project is right on schedule.
In reality,
perfectionists often feel like failures. The mark of perfectionism is that nothing
ever gets completed! There's always one more thing that could be made better. Nothing is good enough to be considered "done." And when all that unfinished business piles up, a perfectionist feels guilt and shame.
Three examples come to mind when I think about how adults with ADD can get stuck in thinking that delay is preferable to error:
Mindy, a former client and a grad student at an Ivy League University, failed a number of assignments because she didn't turn them in on time. They weren't incomplete, just not perfect. The thought of getting a B for a good job was not good enough. She preferred to get an F for a perfect, late paper than a B for an on time, imperfect paper. Her professors--and the university--disagreed. (I've found that many students--college age and adult--struggle with this form of perfectionism.)
Pete, also a former client, was frustrated by the outdated software programs in his office, so he created a software program that could be customized for sales people not just in his company, but in his entire industry. He delayed seeking out investors because he was constantly finding things to improve in his software program; it never felt finished. After tweaking the software for almost 2 years, someone else beat him to it with a similar program and made a small fortune.
As I've been learning how to play guitar, I've been getting caught up in the idea that I need to learn how to do something exactly right before I learn how to do it quickly.Brett, my guitar teacher, has been trying to drill into my head the idea that timing is more important in music. If you get the timing right and miss a few notes, the vast majority of people won't even notice. But if you get the timing wrong, listeners will know it. Think about it: when's the last time you went to a concert and witnessed a musician say, "Wait, hold up, that wasn't right! Let me do it again."??
So if you happen to see Thomas Jefferson's "Delay is preferable to error" quote floating around the Internet, do yourself a favor and ignore it. No one's perfect.
Whenever we get a little bored or need to occupy our time, Erin suggests going to the movies. I almost always shoot down that idea. And it wasn't until very recently that I realized why I have an aversion to "going to the movies." It all has to do with my ADD.
I like movies as much as anyone else. But there is something about the movie theater experience that makes me hesitate to go. Just think about the many ways that the movies are not ADD-friendly:
You have to be on time. In fact, you have to be early if you don't want to get stuck sitting in the front row and craning your neck the whole time.
You have to sit still - and be quiet - for at least an hour and a half.
The concession stand is an impulsivity accident waiting to happen.
If you get bored, you can't multitask and, say, go through the mail to help ease your boredom.
The distractions are endless and constantly threaten to ruin your whole experience. I'm thinking about that guy next to you who thinks the arm rest is his. Or that one woman who laughs so loud you miss more dialogue than you catch. Or that kid behind you who absentmindedly kicks the back of your seat the whole time.
If you're like me then, sometimes, going to the movies just isn't worth it!
However, if there's a flick you're just dying to see, don't fret. There are a few things you can do to make sure you have a good time:
Find a really comfortable theater and make it your own. Having to sit in the same position for a while isn't that bad when you're comfortable.
Avoid movies at peak times. The theaters get crowded quickly on Friday and Saturday nights. You run the risk of getting stuck in the front row, and the bigger the crowd, the more likely you are to get stuck with those annoying and distracting people.
Break the rules and bring a snack. I know you're not technically supposed to bring outside food into the movie theater, but I say screw it! I like to make a pit stop on the way to the movies to pick up a tootsie pop or two. They last a long time, and I'm so much less likely to be drawn in by the concession stand when I know I have a little something in my bag.
Do you find that it challenging to go to the movies and have a good time? What do you do to manage your ADD--or your environment--when you want to enjoy a movie? Please share your thoughts in the comments!
I've been asked this question three times in the last 2 weeks. One time, it was followed by the statement, "You always seem so perfect."
I nearly choked on my coffee when I heard this from a colleague. At that moment, I was going through a very stressful period and I was far from having it all together.
I started to think about the significance of being asked "Are you sure you have ADD?" no less than three times during a period when I was actually very stressed out, and feeling more ADD than usual.
I wondered why people might think that I don't have ADD. Here's what I came up with:
Reason #1: While I am F A R from perfect, I suppose I am pretty good at keeping my stress to myself.
Erin and the dogs know how stressed I've been in the last couple of weeks because they live with me. (In fact, Erin is probably snickering right now as she reads about the idea that I might not have ADD.) A few of my friends know I've been stressed because I've emailed them to apologize for not returning their phone calls. But aside from that, I don't really broadcast my problems or challenges.
If you've read my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD, then you know that BMWs are a pet peeve of mine. BMWs are people who constantly bitch, moan, and whine. They are negative, unhappy people who tend to bring others down. People like this kinda drive me crazy, so I don't want to be one! I do bitch and moan occasionally, but I try not to make a habit of it.
Reason #2: It's my job to have it together for my clients.
Hopefully, my clients can't tell the difference between my good days and my bad days. Why should they? I don't think anyone would pay me--or want to pay me--to be in a bad mood or to talk about my own problems. I save those for the people that I pay, or for the people who have no choice but to deal with me.
While I do sometimes share challenges on my blog and in my newsletter, I try to focus on solutions, not problems. This is what I try to do in my own life, as well, which is what makes me a good coach!
Reason #3: Unfortunately, most people subscribe to the disorder model of AD/HD. I don't.
I don't believe that having ADD condemns me to a life of difficulty.
I believe that differences are what make the world go 'round. I'll always have challenges with time management, organization, and boredom. But I'll also always be creative, strategic, compassionate, perceptive, and intuitive. And given the choice, I wouldn't trade any of it.
I always tell my clients, while you're wishing that you were more organized, someone else is wishing they were more creative. Neither trait is good nor bad. Society needs people who are organized, and people who are creative.
Left unmanaged, ADD certainly can turn into a disorder. But we can't assume that everyone who is different or "disordered" is damaged.
And when ADD is managed properly, it is an incredible asset in life.
So, all this being said, I took away something else from the "Are you sure you have ADD?" question. Perhaps it's okay to share more of my flaws and challenges. I certainly discussed them at length in my book, but people seem to appreciate the reminder. It helps to know that you're not alone.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go deal with that burning smell. Did I leave something on the stove again?
A few days ago, I went to Home Depot and bought garden soil, manure and mulch. I'm dabbling in vegetable gardening this summer and I got everything I needed to build a raised bed.
On the way back from the store, I wasn't feeling well, and I decided that I'd build the bed the following day. But then it rained and I couldn't work outside. So I figured I would prepare my raised bed this weekend. No biggie.
Then I forgot all about the stuff in my trunk.
For the next couple of days, for whatever reason, we took Erin's car whenever we drove somewhere. The fact that I had actual bags of shit in my trunk didn't even cross my mind...until today.
Today I have an appointment that requires a 2-hour drive, and my car smells like shit. Literally.
It's only 52 degrees in NY today, but I'll be making my 2-hour drive with the windows rolled down.
You want to get your (actual) butt in shape? Try loading a wheelbarrow with 100 lbs and then pushing it up a steep hill. Then do it a few more times, and repeat the following day.
This is what I did over the weekend, as I tried to create a planting bed around my house. It turns out that I am an absolute expert when it comes to gardening the hard way.
The last time I worked on the landscape, I planted a few shrubs and thought that I could easily dig up the ground. WRONG. Digging up our compacted, rocky soil turned out to be a lot of hard work. I remember my arms and shoulders being sore for days afterward. I vowed to do it "the easy way" next time.
So when I read an article about making a "lazy bed," I was on board. The technique involves laying down newspaper and then covering it with soil, compost, and mulch. Then you wait a few months while the newspaper decomposes and the compost loosens up the ground below. By the end of the season, your bed is ready for planting. Sounds easy, right? Once again, WRONG.
Perhaps I should have considered:
Trying this technique with a smaller bed
The constant wind we get because we live on a big hill (keeping the newspapers from blowing away before I could cover them was harder than I thought)
The hours and hours and hours that would be involved from start to finish
Ten or so wheelbarrow trips would--literally--bust my butt! (I was so sore!!)
I did, eventually, complete my project. But it certainly wasn't the easy route.
As a fellow ADDer, you're probably all too familiar with situations like mine. You get a great idea, dive in, and then find that your idea will require more time, energy, and resources than you thought it would.
The options you're left with are 1) quit 2) burn yourself out to finish or 3) make a plan to finish over time. (The third option is often the hardest for adults with ADD.) And no matter which option you choose, the most important thing you can do is to learn from your mistakes.
It's tempting to get down on yourself after experiences like these. Despite your best intentions and careful planning, "the easy way" can turn out to be very difficult. And while this may feel like failure, it's really just a learning experience.
It doesn't matter how hard your project turns out to be. It doesn't matter how many ways you miscalculated your plans. If you're open to learning, then you can't fail.
Each mistake you make brings you one step closer to a solution. Sometimes, you have to make a lot of mistakes to get to where you want to go. But if you're willing to learn from your mistakes, then you'll always be moving forward.
So the next time your "easy" project turns out to be harder than you thought, DON'T beat yourself up about it. Just take a trial-and-error approach. I guarantee you'll be much more successful!
As for me and my landscaping projects, I now know that digging doesn't work, and lazy beds are anything but lazy. I think it's time to rent a rototiller.
What projects have you been doing the hard way? Share your thoughts in the comments field!
In the last issue of the ADD Management Guide, I encouraged everyone to avoid making New Year's Resolutions. Generally, people commit to their new behavior for 17 days before completely giving up. A knock in self-esteem always follows. So why bother?
Instead, I suggested an exercise in reflection to increase awareness of your challenges and successes in the previous year, and to identify some positive intentions for 2009. Now it's time to take that notion a step further.
What if, instead of locking yourself into a rigid set of rules, you resolved to focus on a specific area that's important to you? I'm talking about creating a theme for the New Year.
When you have a theme in mind for yourself, you can continually focus on making improvements in one area all year long. There are no rules and no dents in self-esteem, just a general commitment to remain focused on making improvements in a specific area of your life.
To aid you in this endeavor, you can create a question that you use to check in with yourself on a regular basis.
Here are some examples:
Theme: The Year of the Authentic Self
Goal: To focus on being yourself with no anxiety or apologies, to express yourself fully and develop better self-esteem.
Question: Will this statement/action reveal my authentic self?
Theme: The Year of Better Health
Goal: To focus on making choices that will improve general health and well being.
Question: Will this action lead to better health?
Theme: The Year of Diminished Debt
Goal: To focus on eliminating debt.
Question: Will this action/purchase decrease my debt?
In all these examples, asking yourself a very simple 'yes or no' question will help you build awareness and make good decisions based on what you want to be doing.
My theme for 2009 is "The Year of Speaking the Truth." This is actually an exercise in boundaries for me. It's about being unapologetic for the choices that I make. It's also about being honest with myself about how I feel. The question I'll be asking myself is "Am I honoring/speaking my truth?"
In the past few years, I've found that creating a theme for my year is much more effective than simply making resolutions. It requires more mental attention, but it produces much greater (and more fulfilling) results in the long haul.
And I've seen too many clients, colleagues, and friends damage their self-esteem by setting themselves up with unrealistic resolutions that they just couldn't follow through on. So if you don't want to be one of them this year, then consider implementing a personal theme for 2009.
Got a theme for the New Year? Please share it with us in the comments! And feel free to share any other thoughts you have on this topic, too.
I hope the New Year is treating everyone well. I know it's been quite some time since I've blogged, and I wanted to let everyone know that "I'm back."
Without going into details, we had a family emergency the day before Thanksgiving and a very rough holiday season followed. We decided to close down the business for the month of December in order to take care of ourselves.
I wouldn't be a very good ADD coach if I didn't walk my talk. I strongly encourage my clients to practice excellent self-care, and closing the ADD Management Group for a month was what Erin and I needed to do to take care of ourselves. Fortunately, my clients understood this. In fact, many clients mentioned that they really admired the self-care example that I set. I'm privileged to have such wonderful clients who really "get it."
I may post more about what happened to us at a later date. For now, I'm just easing back into life and work. The blog posts, tweets, and newsletters may be less frequent for a while, but I'm sure you all understand, and I appreciate your patience.
You want to get your (actual) butt in shape? Try loading a wheelbarrow with 100 lbs and then pushing it up a steep hill. Then do it a few more times, and repeat the following day. 
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