Experiencing ADDvantages

Reflections, Not Resolutions, for Adults with ADD

At the start of a New Year, we often find ourselves thinking about all the things we didn't accomplish the prior year, and we vow to accomplish them this year.

Few of us take the time to reflect on the past year and look at our successes and the experiences that we have learned from.

It's actually right around this time (the second and third week of January) that many people begin to have difficulty keeping up with their resolutions. Naturally, disappointment, frustration, and low self-esteem are likely to follow from what we perceive as "failure."

So rather than beating yourself up for not being able to stick to a New Year's Resolution, try taking a different route.

I'd like to offer you a coaching exercise that will help you reflect on what's really important to you, and create meaningful intentions for 2009. It is this kind of self-awareness that ultimately leads to action in the areas of your life that are most important to you.

To do this coaching exercise, set aside 15-30 minutes to think about, write about, or talk about your answers to the following questions:

Looking back on 2008...

What were your successes?

What did you do or accomplish that you haven't given yourself credit for?

What unrealistic expectations did you hold yourself to?

What one thing would you do over, if given the opportunity?

What lessons did you learn from that experience?

Looking forward in 2009...

What one goal did you want to accomplish in 2008 that you weren't able to?

Why was this goal important to you?

What got in your way of achieving this goal?

What are you willing to do differently to accomplish this goal in the future?

Looking at yourself...

Who are the people that you are most grateful for?

Which of your strengths and skills are you most grateful for?

What is your best quality?

How will you use these strengths, skills, and qualities to help you move forward in life?

Would you like to share what comes up for you in this coaching exercise? If so, please feel free to post your thoughts and reflections in the comments!

"She's Not Sick, She's a Dancer"

My friend Sital Ruparelia tipped me off to this great video on TED of Sir Ken Robinson speaking on "Do Schools Kill Creativity?"

It's an incredibly entertaining and thought-provoking talk, and he even touches on ADD. (Although one might argue that his conception of medication is slightly off.)

If 19 minutes is too long for you, skip to the 15-minute mark and watch it to the end. Let me know what you think!

A New Perspective on the Olympics

You're probably expecting me to talk about Michael Phelps, the gold-medal-winning, record-breaking, ADHD-swimmer-extraordinaire whom everyone--especially the ADD community--is rooting for. But that's not what I'm going to talk about.

Now, don't get me wrong. I think Michael Phelps is one hell of an ADD role model, and he's really helping people see AD/HD in a whole new way. I'd love to write a post about how wonderful he is.

But what I really want to say about the Olympics is...when are they over?

No, seriously. Does anyone know when the Olympics are over?

I really, truly have never understood the appeal of watching sports on television. I barely understand the appeal of watching them live. I mean, participating is one thing. Watching is something completely different. It's boring as hell.

Swimming, handball, skiing, curling, kayaking, archery, weight lifting...I'm supposed to watch this stuff? And like it? And root for people? Really???

I'm sure I'm in the minority here, but I haven't even seen Michael Phelps do his thing. Just the thought of sitting around and watching the Olympics is enough to make me flop over and whine "boooooooooring!" I think I'd need Concerta in an IV drip just to attempt watching.

So good luck to Michael Phelps! And good luck to me...because it right now it seems like the Olympics are never. going. to. end.

ADDA Talent Show: Comedy

One of the best things about attending the annual ADDA Conference is the talent show. Adults with ADD share their talents and make us all laugh, cry, and enjoy ourselves.

This year, long-time client Barbara Bradford not only attended the ADDA conference for the first time, she also performed comedy at the talent show! Erin was able to get a few minutes of it on tape and, with Barbara's permission, I'm thrilled to share it.

Here is Barbara 'Living Out Loud.' Enjoy!

Some Goals Are Achieved When You're Not Looking

When we lived in NYC, we ate a home-cooked dinner maybe 2 nights a week. Like most New Yorkers, we either went out or ordered in.

When we moved upstate, we knew that things would change. And we were okay with it. There were no longer tons of restaurants and take out places to rely on. Good, we thought, it will force us to eat more healthy.

But it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Trying to shift from 2 nights a week of home cooked meals to 7 nights was a hefty goal.

Last week, Erin came across a food journal that she was keeping in November/December of 2006. We were already out of the city, but still eating out a lot. The purpose of Erin's journal was to track not just what she was eating, but how she felt. There was an entry in her journal that said she always felt worse after we went out to eat, but that she'd have to figure out how to handle it because I said it would be impossible for me to cook 7 nights a week.

I have no doubt I said this, because I remember feeling it. That it was impossible to run a business, have a personal life, and cook every night. Well guess what? A year and a half later, I'm preparing meals 7 nights a week. Never say never.

I may not cook a gourmet meal every night, but I cook extras that will be quick prep on the nights that I'm either working late or I know I won't feel like cooking. The last time we went out to eat was when we went to a wedding a few weeks ago. Before that it was my grandmother's 90th birthday party, which was held at a restaurant. That was in April.

We still enjoy going out for a good meal, and once in a while we get a small pizza, but we don't do it often anymore. And when we don't have a home-cooked dinner, it's by choice, not by default.

But what I find particularly striking is that just a year and a half ago, I didn't think I could get to this point. When I tried to jump from cooking 2 nights a week (and that's really a generous estimate) to 7 nights a week, it seemed an impossible feat. Yet, somewhere along the line, it happened.

This is something that I talk about frequently with clients, and I also cover it in my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD. Awareness is the first step in making change.

In order for me to shift my cooking and eating habits, I had to be aware of what I wanted and why I wanted it. And then I had to stop stressing and let it happen.

I've had this experience with a number of different goals in my life, most notably with positive thinking. I used to be really negative and cynical, but somewhere along the line I decided to change that. I remember experiencing a particularly stressful situation a few years ago, handling it really well, and thinking to myself, Wow, five years ago I would have handled this very differently. I've come a long way.

I created an awareness of something I wanted to change, and the action seemed to happen all on it's own. Just like my new food habits. I really don't know when the point came that I began preparing all our meals at home, I just know that it happened, and it stuck. And I'm very happy about it.

When it comes to big goals, don't stress out. Develop the awareness. Set the intention. Be open to the idea that the goal can be achieved. And never say never.

Adults with ADD: Your Environment Can Make or Break You

An interesting and encouraging study was released this week that all adults with ADD need to know about.

The study suggests that a gene linked to ADD actually helps carriers in nomadic tribes in Kenya stay well-nourished, while it does the opposite for carriers settled tribes.

If that seems slightly convoluted, it can be simply summed up in this way: The findings seem to indicate that ADD can be either an advantage or a disadvantage, depending on one's environment.

A nomadic lifestyle, in which people are continually on the move, is arguably more stimulating than a settled lifestyle. And we all know that the ADD brain (and/or body) needs stimulation to be happy. Boredom is like torture for an ADDer.

So How Do These Findings Affect You?

Of course, different conclusions can be drawn from this study. However, everyone seems to agree that it suggests an evolutionary benefit to ADD. (We're wired this way for a good reason!)

To me, the data supports the idea that environment can "make or break" a person with ADD. An ADDer with a job that bores them will not be as successful as an ADDer with a job that challenges and excites them.

Similarly, an ADDer that leads a rich and stimulating life outside of work by engaging their interests, making time for their hobbies, and enjoying  their friends and family will be much happier than an ADDer who comes home from work, stresses about how dirty their house is, and then checks out and retreats to the computer for hours.

Hold Your "Yeah, but..."

If you're reading this and thinking to yourself, "Yeah, but it would be too much work to find a better job" or "Yeah, but my house IS really dirty and I can't possibly do something fun until I clean up," then you're missing the point. And you're missing out on life!

Here's a little secret that I'd like to share with you: when you create an environment that works with your ADD (not against it), your self-esteem increases, which in turn increases your motivation to accomplish the smaller and more boring tasks (like updating your resume or cleaning your house). This is one of the big themes that runs throughout my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD.

Creating more stimulating and supportive environments for yourself, like a challenging job, a night out with friends, or a class on an interesting topic, will lead to getting more stuff done in the long run.

If you don't believe me, try it. I dare you.

Have thoughts on this article or the study referenced? Please share them here!

 

Mavericks in Action: Hillary Clinton

These words apply way beyond politics. This is the maverick spirit that so many of us (adults with ADD) share. This is living out loud.

"Now the journey ahead will not be easy. Some will say we can’t do it. That it’s too hard. That we’re just not up to the task. But for as long as America has existed, it has been the American way to reject “can’t do” claims, and to choose instead to stretch the boundaries of the possible through hard work, determination, and a pioneering spirit...

Always aim high, work hard, and care deeply about what you believe in. When you stumble, keep faith. When you’re knocked down, get right back up. And never listen to anyone who says you can’t or shouldn’t go on...

So I want to say to my supporters, when you hear people saying – or think to yourself – “if only” or “what if,” I say, “please don’t go there.” Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from moving forward.

Life is too short, time is too precious, and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been. We have to work together for what still can be."

Focus On Your Possibilities Scholarship Program

From Eli Lilly:

Eli Lilly and Company is proud to fund the Focus on Your Possibilities Scholarship Program. These special scholarships recognize adults with ADHD who have demonstrated the initiative and passion to capitalize on their talents through education. Lilly will award 21 educational scholarships of up to $5,000 each based on merit and recommendation. The goal is to support adults with ADHD in their ongoing quest for more enriched lives.

For more information on the program andhow you can apply for a scholarship, visit adhd.com.

Adults with ADD: Follow the Rules to Break Them

So this past weekend Erin and I played house when we took my 6 & 5 year old cousins, Michael and Alex, for a night. These kids are insanely cute, but they're a handful. Erin quickly deciphered Michael's MO: if no one's looking, the rules don't apply.

At 6 years old, Michael has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He's got many ADHD traits, from hyperactivity to severe boredom after 60 seconds of inactivity. And keeping up with him is a challenge.

It also forced me to think about the concept of "the rules" in a new way.

In my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD, I talk about how to be happy and successful by breaking the rules. And as I observed Michael jumping on the bed the very minute I turned my back, I started to wonder if I was a hypocrite. I encourage being a maverick and breaking the rules, and yet I lectured this kid on "the rules" more times than I care to remember.

After some long, hard thought and meditation, I came to this conclusion: sometimes, you have to follow the rules in order to break them.

I coach clients on this all the time, actually. Many situations in our lives are a means to an end. Sometimes we have to play the game in order to get through to the other side and change the game. Take, for example:

• The client who struggles to follow a specific format for her dissertation. The dissertation is one of the things she needs to get her Ph.D. And once she has that Ph.D., she can call the shots about what she studies and how she presents it.
  
• The client who has to painstakingly document every sketch, conversation, and thought he's ever had about his invention in order to protect it. He's breaking the rules and creating a number of cool inventions, and yet there are very specific--and unbelievably detailed--legal guidelines he has to follow in order to get there.
• The client who has been told that she's next in line for her boss's job, yet continually gets disciplined for being late. She single-handedly landed the two biggest clients her company has ever seen, but being 10 minutes late in the morning often gets more attention. She has to stay in her boss's good graces to ensure that she makes it long enough to get that promotion and be the one in charge.

And, of course, there's 6 year old Michael, who has to follow the rules until he's old enough to break them. He has to stay safe, go to school, and learn what he's good at. Then, when he's old enough, he'll be in a better position to embrace that inner maverick. And I know that he'll relish breaking those rules and living out loud.

In what ways have you found yourself following the rules in order to break them? Please share your story in the comments!

Sound Advice for Achieving Goals

Today's the big day - the Pennsylvania Primaries! I'm already excited and you can bet that I'll be glued to the television tonight.

While we wait for the results, I thought I'd share some words of wisdom that I received in an email last week from none other than Bill Clinton. (More likely someone in Hillary's campaign pretending to be Bill, but whatever.)

I'm going to give you the same advice I give to Hillary: block out the distractions -- the skeptics, the media coverage, the beltway chatter -- and keep your eyes on the prize.

With the news media constantly poring over the minutiae of the campaign, I make sure Hillary never forgets to stay focused on what matters: telling every last American about her vision, her experience, and her commitment to bringing real change to people's lives.
[bolds are my emphasis]

Sound advice, no matter what your goal.