Experiencing ADDvantages

Adults with ADD: Follow the Rules to Break Them

So this past weekend Erin and I played house when we took my 6 & 5 year old cousins, Michael and Alex, for a night. These kids are insanely cute, but they're a handful. Erin quickly deciphered Michael's MO: if no one's looking, the rules don't apply.

At 6 years old, Michael has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He's got many ADHD traits, from hyperactivity to severe boredom after 60 seconds of inactivity. And keeping up with him is a challenge.

It also forced me to think about the concept of "the rules" in a new way.

In my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD, I talk about how to be happy and successful by breaking the rules. And as I observed Michael jumping on the bed the very minute I turned my back, I started to wonder if I was a hypocrite. I encourage being a maverick and breaking the rules, and yet I lectured this kid on "the rules" more times than I care to remember.

After some long, hard thought and meditation, I came to this conclusion: sometimes, you have to follow the rules in order to break them.

I coach clients on this all the time, actually. Many situations in our lives are a means to an end. Sometimes we have to play the game in order to get through to the other side and change the game. Take, for example:

• The client who struggles to follow a specific format for her dissertation. The dissertation is one of the things she needs to get her Ph.D. And once she has that Ph.D., she can call the shots about what she studies and how she presents it.
  
• The client who has to painstakingly document every sketch, conversation, and thought he's ever had about his invention in order to protect it. He's breaking the rules and creating a number of cool inventions, and yet there are very specific--and unbelievably detailed--legal guidelines he has to follow in order to get there.
• The client who has been told that she's next in line for her boss's job, yet continually gets disciplined for being late. She single-handedly landed the two biggest clients her company has ever seen, but being 10 minutes late in the morning often gets more attention. She has to stay in her boss's good graces to ensure that she makes it long enough to get that promotion and be the one in charge.

And, of course, there's 6 year old Michael, who has to follow the rules until he's old enough to break them. He has to stay safe, go to school, and learn what he's good at. Then, when he's old enough, he'll be in a better position to embrace that inner maverick. And I know that he'll relish breaking those rules and living out loud.

In what ways have you found yourself following the rules in order to break them? Please share your story in the comments!

Odd One Out is a Finalist in the Indie Excellence Awards!

We got news yesterday that my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD, is a FINALIST in the 2008 Indie Excellence Book Awards!

I'm so excited about this. Although Odd One Out didn't actually win the category, being one of three finalists is one hell of an honor!!

In Other News...

Last weekend I attended the AD/HD Coaches Organization annual conference in St. Louis and had a great time connecting with fellow coaches. And I want to give a special shout out to Charlotte, who brought her Odd One Out book all the way from Denmark for me to sign! I wish I took a picture of us to share.

Unfortunately, I came home from the conference feeling under the weather. I blame it on the hotel which must have been loaded with dust and mold because it gave me awful asthma...and I haven't had asthma since I was a kid! If you're ever in St. Louis, don't stay at the Holiday Inn Oakland Park. Seriously.

As a result, I had to take a few days off to recuperate, and I ended up having to postpone the ADD Clutter Busters Workgroup! Fortunately, all the members were very kind and understanding, and the group will now begin on May 13.

And lastly, Erin and I are in for a wild ride this weekend as we're watching my cousin's kids for the night. Michael and Alex are 6 and 5, extremely cute, and incredibly hyper. We have a full day planned tomorrow, and I'm sure it will be both fun and taxing. Let's see if Erin still wants kids when it's all over!

Have a great weekend!

Managing Adult ADD: Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

When you make a change in your life--presumably to better manage your ADD--what's the hardest part?

The hardest part of making any change is that there is a stage in the process in which you are guaranteed to be uncomfortable.

If change was easy, we'd all be in great shape, get places on time every time, be completely organized, and get along with every member of our families. If it was easy to make changes in our lives, we'd all have everything we ever wanted. But life doesn't work that way, does it?

Specifically when it comes to managing adult ADD, the changes you want to make and the skills you want to learn don't come easy. They take time, energy, patience, and practice. They may manifest in stages and layers, too, coming together one piece at a time. The process can be slow, tedious, boring, and even painful. It's downright uncomfortable. But the process is necessary.

Let's look at some examples using a few of the 5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADD, from my book Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD:

• When learning how to Break the Cycle of Overwhelm, you have to learn how to take really good care of yourself, and that often means creating strong boundaries and saying "no."

Saying "no" can be dreadfully uncomfortable. But until you learn how to say no, you'll find yourself stressed out and over-committed.

It's uncomfortable to say, "No, I'm sorry, but I'm not able to watch your kids for you on Saturday." But it's necessary to learn how to do it in order to overcome overwhelm.

• Similarly, when learning how to Take Control of Your Space and Time, you have to learn how to create organizational systems that work for you. This means spending time straightening up and organizing your stuff.

Getting organized, throwing out junk, and creating systems can be awfully boring and uncomfortable. But in order to get organized enough to reach your goals, it's necessary to jump in and invest the time.

• Taking Control of Your Space and Time also means learning how to manage your time effectively. And that means developing new patterns in which you don't get caught up in negative hyperfocus.

When you're stuck in hyperfocus on the Internet late at night for no good reason, it's uncomfortable to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to move on and go to bed. But once again, it's necessary in order to manage your time effectively.

Making any of these changes successfully requires steps that are uncomfortable, but necessary. In fact, that uncomfortable feeling is often a cue that you're moving in the right direction!

You can expect that some of the the changes you make when learning to manage your ADD will be difficult. Make it easier on yourself and get comfortable being uncomfortable.

As always, feel free to post your thoughts in the comments!

Adults with ADD: Are You Playing the When-Then Game?

Let me tell you about a little something I call "The When-Then Game." It's a trap that way too many adults with ADD get caught in.

The When-Then Game looks like this:

When I get my house spic-n-span, then I'll invite friends over.

When I get in to work on time every day for a month, then I'll ask for that raise.

When I lose 20 pounds, then I'll buy new clothes.

When I get rid of all that clutter in my garage, then I'll take that dancing class.

While playing the When-Then Game, you convince yourself that you can't do one thing until you do something else. Or, you refuse to let yourself have fun simply because there are projects you haven't completed.

The When-Then Game can severely damage your self-esteem, because your focus is predominantly on what isn't getting done. It makes you feel bad about yourself!

It's very easy to get wrapped up in all the things you think you should be doing, instead of moving forward. But the When-Then Game keeps you stuck in a state of perpetual overwhelm. Life isn't enjoyable; it's merely a to-do list.

Rather than succumbing to the When-Then Game, imagine that you:

Invited guests over, even though your house wasn't perfect. You'd probably be surprised that your guests didn't judge you, and you actually had a good time. Their houses aren't perfect, either, you know!

Asked for that raise, even though you have flaws. You might be surprised to find that your strengths outweigh your weaknesses in the eyes of your boss.

Bought a new outfit, even though you'd still like to lose some weight. Most likely, the new clothes would allow you to feel better about yourself, which in turn would help you take better care of yourself!

Took that class even though the garage is still cluttered. You might enjoy yourself so much that you found yourself more motivated to clean up the cluttered garage. Or not. Who cares? Why let something as little as a cluttered garage keep you from having fun??

Please all adults with ADD, stop playing the When-Then Game! You're the only one holding yourself back, and you deserve better.

Live out loud!

Wanna read more about "Living Out Loud"? It's the subject of Chapter 5 in my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD.

And hey, don't forget, there's a BIG announcement coming this month! And it's something that everyone in the world of ADD will want to know about! If you want to be one of the first to find out, subscribe to this blog!

March mADDness Week 1 Winner

The winner of our first March mADDness giveaway is Beth B! Beth submitted this very funny "ADD moment."

Well when I lived in Japan there was no central heating. There was a heating table called a kotatsu that I sat at to keep warm. It wrinkled the clothes terribly so of course in the morning I would just wear my slip and put on my skirt as I was heading out the door.

Of course one day I went out the door without paying attention. I couldn't understand why people were looking at me funny. They often stared at me because I was a foreigner. When I looked down and saw the lace of my slip but no skirt I was mortified but laughed. I had to turn around and take a different bus back home, laughing the whole way.

The Japanese also thought it was odd that I would tell this story on myself shortly after it happened.

Congratulations, Beth! We'll be contacting you offline to get your address and send you the autographed copy of Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD.

I had my own ADD moment today when trying to randomly choose a winner from the eligible entries. The method that I eventually settled on worked well, and I think it's the way we'll choose the random winners for the rest of the month. Here's what I did:

1. I wrote the names of all the eligible entries on a small pieces of paper and folded each one twice.
2. I placed all the papers in a baseball cap, and shook them up.
3. I nonchalantly placed the cap on the floor and walked away, knowing Rascal couldn't resist stealing one. I was right.
4. I chased him until he gave up the stolen paper, and then read the winner's name. It was a fun time for both of us.

Thanks to all who participated! If you didn't win, don't fret, you still have three more chances to win a prize this month. Tomorrow I'll announce the next March mADDness contest.

Don't miss the March mADDness giveaways! Subscribe to the Experiencing ADDvantages RSS feed.

 

3 Spaces Remain in the ADD Coaching Program that Begins March 11!

Do you have an inner maverick dying to bust out and take over?

Are you tired of trying to fit in and longing to just be yourself?

Are you ready to learn practical ADD management skills that will help you get to the next level in your life?

Great! Because I'm ready to teach you.

If you've read my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD,then you know that I live my life according to my own rules, and I don't apologize for it. I continually manage my own ADD, and I even benefit from this unique brain-wiring that we call "Attention Deficit Disorder." And for 5 years now, I've been helping clients do the same.

In the Odd One Out Coaching Program, we take an in-depth look at the strategies in the book, and delve even deeper into advanced strategies for building the 5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADD with a maverick approach.

This ADD coaching program is not for everyone. I'm looking for a very specific group of adults with ADD who:

• Have read, related to, and enjoyed my book, Odd One One: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD
• Want to improve ADD management skills and embrace the maverick within to increase successes in life
• Are willing to commit to the coaching process by attending teleclasses, completing homework assignments, and practicing techniques and strategies

I just wrapped up a sold out coaching group with a group of 10 ADDers who fit the criteria above, and it was one of the most successful coaching programs I have ever led. I was really impressed with the people in this group who participated, dug into the material, and used the 5 Essential Skills to their advantage.

I'm looking forward to working with the next group of 10 adults as they do the same.

The program begins Tuesday March 11. Teleclasses run for 6 consecutive weeks from 8.00-9.30 pm EST. Class recordings, notes, visual aids, community forums, and other resources are also provided.

Very Important: Due to other commitments, I won't be running this program again for a while. A few people have emailed to ask when the program will be run again and the answer is that I don't know. I do know for sure that I won't be able to run this program in the next 6-8 months. So if you want to join us, now is the time!

Registrations are being accepted here. Check it out! 

3 Easy Steps for Time Management through Daily Planning

How many times have you started your day knowing what you would ideally like to get accomplished, but feeling unsure of where to begin or how to prioritize it all? 

On days like this, you can find yourself succumbing to overwhelm before you ever leave the house. There is so much to do, and so little time and energy!

Time and task overwhelm can easily lead to stress and guilt, which can spiral into more bad feelings, and less action.

Many adults with ADD are resistant to the idea of daily planning. But daily planning is one of the best steps you can take to minimize overwhelm and take control of your time.

And better yet, implementing a daily planning routine doesn't have to be difficult! Here are 3 easy steps for time management through the use of daily planning:

1. Plan the Time to Plan
Decide on a time of day when you can consistently take 15 minutes to plan. The time of day isn't important. It can be a set time (8:00 AM) or simply "right before bed." Choose a time of day in which you typically feel alert, productive, and happy.

2. Review Your To-Do List
If you don't already use a to-do list, create one! To-do lists are a tool that help you keep track of what you need to do, and what you have accomplished. Review and re-write your to-do list during each planning session. Acknowledge the accomplishments you made during the day, and add any tasks or projects that came up. Move the most important and urgent tasks to the top of the list. Break large projects into 3-5 steps that all go on the list.

3. Review Your Calendar
Take a look at your daily planner (or calendar, PDA, or whatever you use to help manage your time.) See what appointments you have scheduled the next day. Block off the times in your planner. Then, begin to schedule in time for the tasks on your to-do list.

I'll be honest with you: developing a habit of daily planning takes practice. It doesn't happen overnight. But with a solid commitment to the process, it will happen before you know it! You'll be effectively managing your time and to-dos, and keeping overwhelm at bay.

You can find a detailed plan for building ADD-friendly time management skills in Chapter 4 of my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD.

Do you practice daily planning? In what ways does it help you manage your time and stress? Please share your thoughts!

BostonNOW Article: Finding a Treatment

By Amy Tennery, BostonNOW Correspondent

Insomnia, headaches, diarrhea, blurred vision are all side effects of common Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) medications, like Ritalin, and they are enough to dissuade many from pursuing drugs as a solution to their learning differences.

But with the increasing popularity of non-medical adult ADD treatment, alternatives to behavior-altering drugs have become accessible to the public.

"We have a saying in the industry: the pills don't build the skills," says Jennifer Koretsky, author of Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD. "Those pills aren't going to teach you to become organized or manage your time."

Today, more options for adult ADD management are becoming available at a rapid pace, perhaps because this learning difference has become more apparent in recent years.

"I think that it's just now coming to light that there is such a thing as adult ADD. People who are adults now might have been told they would grow out of it, but they're not growing out of it," says Gail Parrott, lead program specialist with the Dore Center's Needham facility.

Koretsky says adults with ADD should be "using [their] own natural tendencies and making them work," rather than fighting their ADD. Traditional means of organization, for example, are not accessible to the adult ADD mind, says Koretsky. She helps her clients learn new organizational skills rather than try to conform to those that they find challenging to maintain.

Parrott also approaches adult ADD management with a non-medical approach. Her physical-based exercise program is designed to target the cerebellum and help clients manage their ADD symptoms.

A typical exercise involves "standing on one foot, on a cushion," which promotes balance and body awareness, says Parrott. "At the same time you might be asked to toss a bean bag from hand to hand. With practice and repetition you are actually training the cerebellum."

Although vast amounts of research to support the efficacy of many ADD medications exist, Parrott argues that pairing a physical-based therapy with medication is essential.

"Ritalin and Adderall are only effective as long as they are in your bloodstream," says Parrott, which is a "permanent, effective solution."

Mama Drama

In my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD, I spend some time discussing the anxiety that often goes along with adult ADD. Specifically, I talk about life with an an extremely anxious mother, and how I had to learn to get over my own resulting anxiety.

Even though my mother has done a great job of reeling in her anxiety in the past couple of years, it still creeps up in strange--and often hilarious--ways. Here's a fabulous example.

Earlier in the week, my mom was involved in a car accident. She was hit by someone who clearly wasn't paying attention and her airbag deployed, leaving her with some very bad bruising and a lot of pain. Luckily, she didn't have any other injuries.

When she left the emergency room, the doctor gave her a prescription for Oxycontin. Here's where the real drama begins.

My mother is afraid of becoming addicted to the pain pills. This is the same woman who never drinks a sip of alcohol, has no idea what pot even smells like, and wouldn't recognize an illegal drug if she tripped over one. 

I've tried to explain to her that the people who abuse or become addicted to pain pills 1) have very serious emotional problems that lead to addiction and 2) have a dealer or a doctor who is willing to supply the prescription drug well beyond the point of pain. She doesn't care. She still believes that a two week supply of pills could lead to an addiction. And it gets better...

...in my mother's mind, addiction can lead to an accidental overdose. "I don't want to end up like that Heather Ledger," she told us. I kid you not. And no, she actually wasn't on pain pills when she referred to poor Heath Ledger as "Heather."

Why Managing Adult ADD Is Like Singing Rock Music

I've been talking a lot about personal themes lately, and the idea of adopting a theme for 2008 instead of making New Year's Resolutions.

For me, this year is about putting myself out there in a really big way. In my personal life, that means stepping up my music game. I'm a singer, and rock-style music is my passion. This is the year that I am finally jumping into working with other musicians, forming a band, writing some original material and--who knows--maybe even playing out!

As I've been working to take my abilities to the next level, I've realized that there are a number of similarities between managing adult ADD and singing rock music. You don't need to be a rock singer to appreciate the similarities.

Whatever it is that really sparks your passion in life, you can find parallels between that passion and managing your ADD. Take my example of singing rock music, and consider this:

You Gotta Practice. Even the most skilled and talented rock singers--the Robert Plants and Ann Wilsons of the world--have to keep their voices well tuned by using them on a regular basis. Without practice, a singer's skills and raw talent won't disappear, but will be a lot harder to access when needed.

Similarly, even the most successful adults with ADD have to practice their ADD management skills. Time management, organization and focus, for example, are learned skills that become rusty when you don't use them on a regular basis.

It's All About Breathing. Your breath supports your voice when you're singing. If you're not breathing regularly and deeply, your body becomes tense. And tense muscles quickly prevent a singer from performing well and sounding good.

When you're managing your ADD, tension is one of your worst enemies. A stressed mind produces a stressed body and vice versa. That stress quickly leads to ADD overwhelm, and it's nearly impossible to manage ADD in the state of overwhelm. One of the best ways to keep stress and tension at bay is to make a point of breathing deeply and regularly.

You Gotta Believe In Yourself. Singing is a performance art. If you're going to be a successful singer, you have to get over your nervousness and just go for it. (This is the stage I'm in right now!) If you believe you can do it, then you will find a way. If you believe you can't do it, then you won't do it.

You also have to believe that you can manage your ADD and take your life to the next level. If you tell yourself that you'll never be organized, then you won't be. If you give up on yourself easily, you'll never allow yourself the opportunity to be successful. When you're ready to tackle a challenge or learn a new skill, the first step is believing that you can do it.

Combining Skill With Personal Style Leads To Success. One of the things I love about rock music is that the emphasis is placed more on emotion than on skill. A rock singer definitely needs to learn about their voice and how to use it properly, but there is a lot of room for personal style. In fact, that personal style is what often draws a person to a particular singer.

This is exactly the way I describe effective ADD management. There are some base level skills and systems to be learned, and the rest is all about personal style. (These are the skills that I discuss in Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD.) When you learn to manage your ADD, WHAT works for you is not nearly as important as the fact that it DOES work.

The great thing about drawing these comparisons between two seemingly different subjects is that it allows you the opportunity to simplify the challenges you experience and ground them in something that really excites you. You can continually remind yourself, "Oh yeah, managing my time is just like singing. If I'm stressed out and nervous then I'm not going to do it well! I need to be calm, breathe, and believe that I can handle this to-do list."

I encourage you to take a stab at this exercise and see if you can draw some helpful comparisons between managing your ADD and something else that you're really interested in. Please share your thoughts in the comments!